Ok our heroine is struggling a bit computer wise so Im going to just tell a little tale that could be told in its own right but will touch the heart and the memory of a certain little surly hippy that sure as hell knew how to seal a deal.
To best tell the story, I will just cut to the point in the evening where one of my friends was referring to a boy i was totally crushed out on (but was WAY too much of a dork to seal the deal on that one) (And could probably write a manual of all the ways I RUINED any chance between us). She was sharing how he had drunkenly approached her in a liquor store last year and kind of scared her. In my infinite dignity and class, I grabbed her arm with drunken eagerness “YOU MEAN HE IS HERE IN TOWN? OH MY GOD YOU THINK HE IS STILL HERE? IS HE LIVING HERE?” And she replies “CRSE. IN A LIQUOR STORE! HE WAS SCARY CRSE!” (as if somehow that would be a deterrant). I did calm down only to share one of my new gems (sort of alarming Im SO SORRY GILL! You know I mean this with love)that comes out in my intoxication whenever someone from my past comes up, I seem to need to hit the person next to me and scream loudly “NOW THATS WHO WOULD HAVE HAD MY VIRGINITY IF I WASNT SUCH AN IDIOT”. Yep. Real tasteful. Classy even. Just a little scene setter.
THere are only about seven people in the bar, and soon after, I turned around and there was…..Oh god he needs a name. LB? Another man who I would have GLADLY given my (apparently quite disposable in hindsight) flower to. A man that our own luckybuzz managed to bed rather frequently for quite some time. (Is it a sign of sickness that instead of being envious, i gratefully lived vicariously through her at this point in my life? LB tell me i didnt make you give me graphic details? Even if its not true…) A man that I believed was the epitome of all things hot and cool in the late 80s early 90s.
Ive actually had conversations with the LB man over the years. Awkward strange conversations. He is a friendly guy. Sort of quiet but always kind. And hot. So we go through the usual motions. The hug, the “how are you lets see the kids” (like i said he is…kind). Well you can imagine my surprise when our little exchange turns into a bizarre two hour mostly one sided conversation discussing all of his views on child rearing (he has no children, it was quite interesting), dabbled in issues such as racism and spiritual development wandered into REINCARNATION, and settled into the longest monologue ive ever heard about the success of berry scavenging (and subsequent juicing and canning and jelly making) in extending his mother’s longevity. And THEN we wandered into his father’s tax issues before his death. Sometimes friends, I play conversation games. I see how many completely non-commital responses i can say in a row without a break. I broke new records last night.
And friends? All I wanted….all i wanted during the whole conversation..was to get lb on the speakerphone and draw her into this bizarro sex fantasy world of my early 20s. And thats what it was. Kind of like superman? turns bizarro right in front of you.
I think the saddest part of this whole post is that had i known this side of him back then? I still would have slept with him. But Im thinking LB wouldnt have….