this ain’t your momma’s wednesday morning

6:15am Gill’s cell-alarm goes off.
6:16 am I hit Gill
6:20am Gill’s cell-alarm goes off.
6:21 am I hit Gill
6:30am Gill’s cell-alarm goes off.
6:31 am I hit Gill. I cuss at him.
6:35am Gill’s cell-alarm goes off.
6:36am I hit Gill. I cuss and attempt to push him out of bed.
6:40am Gill’s cell-alarm goes off.
6:41 …… I meant to hit his thigh. Honestly….but he did have it coming at this point.

6:41-7am- Marital argument about who is the crabbiest fussiest and most irritable person this am. Discussion included warnings about not asking about source of irritation and the potential dissolution of our current union to clear the way for upcoming nuptials between Gill and his Lux Delux online game.

7am-710am I concede and beg for ten minutes of silence. (This does not indicate ten minutes of silence, but the time lapsed during begging phase)

720am - I stumble miserably into the kitchen mumbling and cursing. I predict another day of constant struggle. Gill refers me to Hamlet. As he realizes he does not have the exact quote, he tells me to scan the play until I find the one he is thinking of. This leads to reflection. “There is something rotten in the state of the Turnip’s pants?” (one of my favorites) “The lady doth protest too much” (no seriously the day is looking pretty damn sucky) “Get thee to a nunnery?” –This one led to an elaborate fantasy about how peaceful my life would be in a nunnery. Regular bedtimes for me. Nobody peeing on the floor and maliciously laughing in my face when I correct them (but crse, you may be protesting. He is two, he is not capable of malice!) (ha you fools). Reading books without people grabbing them and screaming maniacally “THE END” before hurling them across the room. I was a bit put off by the thought of scrubbing floors but then i thought. Hey, Im 37. Im sure they have younger nuns for that.

740- In lieu of getting dressed, Norm decides this is a good time to pursue some hypotheticals he’s developed about the movie “ET” . (His cousin Gwennie’s birthday party was “ET”. BTW, you know it’s a great party when your hostess thanks you for her weapons in her sweetest voice and you also get a big box of candy and a washcloth with the word “Uranus” on it! Kudos Lucy!)

742- Norm bursts into uncontrollable sobbing because ET had to leave his friends. Please note: Norm has never seen the movie “ET”.

745- Norm decides that ET might be alone and hiding on a planet where nobody can find him and he’s really scared. Bursts into fresh tears.

750- Norm faces the reality that ET was a “missing” child to his parents. New phase of sobbing.

755-810am- Norm develops a detailed plan of how to manage the aliens should he find ET. Plan involves explaining to ET that the Earth is his home now and placing all of ETs family with our own family and friends. “And everyone can keep one for free.”

810- kiss a relieved norm goodbye and explain to the PTO mom why Im ten minutes late.

In other news, I got lost twice today and had to play kickball in the rain. It was good. We got 3 runs. The other team did get 12 but I think we just need to find our rhythm. Good game balls of steel! I don’t feel capable of coaching but the team is pretty patient. Im hoping we all kind of adapt a “takes a village to coach a kickball team” approach before long. I think Shakes is already on her way to this state of mind. She brought me a clipboard to use today. She is going to teach me stats too. Still it’s kind of discouraging to feel like Im letting folks down because I don’t know what Im doing.

Im very behind on my blog reading. It is not for lack of interest. I will catch up soon. I need relief. Tomorrow isn’t looking good friends. I have to figure out a bunch of data and politely confront a very rude (and stupid) professional. Drew called this afernoon and said that her day went from “short form” (fuck it) to “raising the white flag” in about three minutes flat today. Drew baby, Im feeling you tonight.