The Morning After

So Im starting to think I might lean towards the pessimistic. I mean last night was amazing. For the first time in a long time, it really felt like we finally had something to be proud of as a nation. I mean this is history people. History! It’s so exciting to be part of that history.

Still, I woke up this morning to pumpkin seeds scattered all over my floor Norm standing over me telling me the dog had somehow managed to get on top the stove and drag last night’s chicken down and it was all over the floor. And that’s when I saw the pumpkin seeds. We are officially tardy for the first time this year. My data for a report makes absolutely no sense and I have no idea how to explain this “anomaly” to the psychologist. At all. Ive gotten fret calls from moms. I have two solid days of facing yuckiness. No three. I forgot Im meeting a new person on friday. Here is all that I want to know friends. Where’s my Change? All I can say is gasoline better be free out there. And “Yes you can” clean my house please.

How’s that for reframing in the positive? Ok well how about this? In an unprecedented landslide, Maxine Factor swept the Crseum. With a 64% to 36% lead. (Im sorry Sy, your vote didn’t make a whole percentage point. Maybe next time.) She is more than thrilled and Im sure she will have some fantastic words of acceptance today. (Although she did text me yesterday to tell me she was completely upset not to see her name on the tv. She doesn’t blame you of course). Stay tuned for more Maxine Factor in the future.

Election Day Recap

During a discussion with my blogging soul sistah Lucy yesterday, we both confessed that, despite pressure from earnest democratic friends, we were waiting til election day “proper” to cast our vote. We both agreed that half the point of election day is to collect as much free stuff as possible before you vote. I won’t speak for her on this next part, but I also base any last minute voting decisions on who gives me the nicest stuff in the parking lot. Well…let me amend that. I also pay attention to who is nice to my children and who seems a little crappy in general.

So lemme just tell ya friends. Votes were won and lost in that parking lot this morning. I’ll just sum the whole voting experience up in dash form for your reading ease:

- The weather was fantastic here in Crseumtown this morning and I pulled right in to several little clusters of people waiting to give me free stuff. (Now the key friends is to make eye contact when you are walking in.) (Sound intimidating? It’s easier than you think. Just visualize yourself dealing with carnies when you are at the fair and do the exact opposite of what you’d do there). I wiped down my boys and prettied them up for the big strut through.

- Within seconds, we were swarmed by kind folks bearing pencils, mints, PENS (you almost never get pens friends, I was pretty stoked on that one) and note pads. We were all quite delighted and walked towards the door.

- At that point, a man-a VERY stupid man-a man who apparently did not want my vote today-stared at me blankly when I said “good morning”. He clutched his little bag of candy selfishly and PROUDLY BEARING THE CANDIDATE’S NAME, did not offer us any. Ummm guess what buddy? I had no pony in the race your guy was in? And now I do. Congratulations, my friend. Your candy greed made me decide to vote for freaking SATAN if he was running against you. And Im calling all my friends and telling them to vote against you too. Dick.

- So bitterly, we went inside where I was quickly reminded of my self-promise to volunteer at my local polling place so my neighbors would have at least one sane and pleasant person to deal with when they went to vote. Needless to say, anyone else in my precinct who made that self-vow didn’t follow through with it either. Not only was there no bake sale (idiots) but the nasty cross eyed shrew seemed to be waiting for someone to be one number off in terms of their precinct assignment. Lady seriously. The numbers are like 52, 70 and 71. I guessed 51. Did you really need to engage in a shaming speech? It gave me great pleasure to cut you off.

- And so I walked right up friends. Walked. Right. Up. Four pollsters were waiting and initially seemed eager to have company. They tripped over themselves sharing about how busy it was in the morning. Now friends, does it not seem to be the next logical question then to continue to the dialog to ask what number voter am i? Friends, you would have thought I asked them to rig the polls for me personally. Apparently, this required my team of four to add two numbers together. Two double digit numbers together. The sum of which was 128. Yeah. Lazy. Stupid. Bastards.

- Anyway, we voted without incident and yadayada the president whatever. My most important vote was of course, against greedy candy hoarder candidate. I proudly walked my children back to the car, smiled at the kind gift givers and smirked at the candy creep.

In conclusion friends, I think I modeled true democracy in action for my children today. I made sure they knew that election day gives us a good chance to reflect on what it means to be an American. I am so grateful that throughout our country’s history, people have given up so much just so on this particular day, I can teach a greedy candy guy a valuable lesson. I love this country.

PS: I updated my splinter blog (see link on sidebar) if anyone is interested.

Oh and don’t forget to watch the video in the post below and also vote as often as you can today!

Trying To Come Together At The Seams

Framing it all in a positive way, right? That would be my theme for November. Starting today. Anyway, as loyal readers may have noticed, I kind of fell apart blog-wise last week. I could make a bunch of excuses but really, aren’t we better than that friends? Intstead, let’s move forward. I don’t have anything concrete really but here at the crseum we are about baby steps and so find no shame in resorting to slashes of randomosity. And so it begins:

- I am fully aware that the oddities found in Dora The Explorer could support its own blog. However, i am most troubled by the fact that every single episode involving Dora facing a nemesis resolves itself with villain redemption. I am not generalizing. I have never in six years seen a villain stay evil. The witch promises to be “friends”. The dog-catcher gets bored and decides to follow a new dream. The crazy bee queen is so happy from the music, she decides not to be crazy anymore. The list goes on. Now friends, Im all about human redemption. But seriously? Dora never runs into anyone who stays an asshole? Not only do I find this hard to believe but it’s also extremely troublesome in terms of the lessons it teaches my children. I feel it’s my duty as a parent to make sure my children are well-rounded in their understanding of human jackassery. I do my best to teach them that people can be dickwads. I try to point out human shittiness whenever we see it. How, then, do I explain Dora to them? When they look at me with hope shining on their faces because some hacked up Mexican Jack Frost decides not to be a shit smear, I have nothing. Sorry, this isn’t working in terms of my positive framing November plan. Let’s move on.

- I had an extremely interesting dream yesterday morning (which reminds me, let’s take a second to shout out to the time change! Whoohoo….). Norm had a birthday party yesterday afternoon and we needed to get his present (that part of the dream was true actually). For some reason, John McCain was part of my family and was going to take him to the party. So McCain was at my house but kept getting calls so he couldn’t get ready. He was wandering around the house on the phone wearing dress pants and a t-shirt. The whole dream was me being anxious because Norm was getting later and later and not wanting to interrupt the guy because after all, he’s running for president right? So I find something to give the birthday kid and get everyone in the car. I wake up feeling resolved. Even better? Norm had plenty of time not to lean on some random Puppy Divas I found in a bag as a forgotten part of someone else’s gift.

- This leads me to my next point. I don’t expect this to be very popular with my readership but I feel the need to keep the blog clean and honest. I know Ive alluded to this before but I want to be clear. I really think John McCain is a funny guy. I know he has a rage problem and I totally am not saying it’s ok for a middle aged/older man to call his wife the c word (I don’t say old because if I recall this was several years ago right?) But, well, my own grandpa was pretty damn crazy to my grammy but he was always good to us. Also, please don’t think this means Id vote for him. Folks, I think you all know Im really really liberal. Like socialist liberal. I do not agree with or support republican policies. Most importantly I am broke. I can’t afford to wait for the wealth to trickle down. Im more apt to believe as a broke person it will trickle up. (e.g. if you give me more money I spend it on things that big businesses want me to spend it on. Everyone wins.) (Well everyone except my children at some point in the future when they need college money and such but hell, no matter who’s president that will most likely be problematic) Im just saying when it comes to presidential candidates Id like to have a beer with, he’s up there friends. He is up there.

- Have you watched the Vote Pretty video? Have you voted today? Oh yes I am re-embedding.

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Vote Pretty: The Interview

Ah friends, Ive been so remiss in my blogging duties. It’s been a long strange week. Ive been working on a campaign spread from the Vote Pretty Photo Shoot and will be posting soon (this would be the half-promise). The much anticipated Maxine Factor interview is now online though! (Much thanks to our fabulous video editor Crystal and our stellar creative consultant/director Dennick) I’ve embedded below. (I also publicly distance myself from any editorial content that may be seen as “tasteless”) (although, if you listen closely, you can hear my voice in the background!) Sadly, a debate could not be arranged as MRN was hot on the campaign trail and not able to fit it into his schedule. 2012 MRN, either way your public will demand it from you! Until then, may the best candidate win. Watch the video and vote below (as much as you want).

So You Want To Tempt The Zombies…

Gentle readers, I am sure if you were here right now you’d be saying, “Seriously Crse? You are live-blogging Night Of The Living Dead? You hate scary crap! In fact, didn’t you just say you almost wet yourself last week when they did the live-blog ‘cutting’ during open mic night?” Why yes, gentle readers. That is very true. I’m a little surprised myself. But as scared as I was, I was also mildly intrigued. My intrigue grew when I came home last night to find Norm and Gill watching the Starz bunnies version of NOTLD which was AWESOME (because really. Who can resist a bunny voice saying “They’re coming to get you Barbara!”) and let’s face it, there is something magical about the words “free preview” and “snacks” (although Ms. Brooke did warn us that we might not want snacks. As if!) Edited to add: Way to lie about the snacks Brooke.

Ok friends, it is now 1am. I am safely home but will admit that I did experience several extremely uncomfortable moments in the garage during which i was afraid to get out of my car lest the zombies “git” me. I was more than slightly relieved to see that Gill was still awake and only feet from the back door when I came in. It’s always comforting to know your family protector would have been able to hear you scream had the zombies come for you in your garage.

Here is what I learned tonight about live-blogging a play. It’s not like a debate or open mic where the observation opportunities can just flow out of you.

********SPOILER ALERT*********

Instead, I will offer the advice Id give to each of the characters: (Bear in mind that this not based in any sort of knowledge of theater but does reflect the extensive zombie survival training Ive received from Gretty over the years,)

Listen Barbara. It’s great that you are making friends with the guy who killed all the zombies that were attacking you. But here are some signs that there are problems with your new friend.
- Instead of boarding up the windows in a thorough competent way, he stands there with the hammer and nails and whines like a little bitch for fifteen minutes about his zombie attack. Um Barbara? I know you were in shock, but you didn’t even ask him for his stupid story anyway.
- And when you tell him how you WEREN’T in a truck and your brother was half eaten in front of you, he tells you to “calm down?” (What the crap jackass? Sorry she took away from your soul wrenching “had to drive away in a truck” story to realize she got her ass kicked by zombies.)
- He tosses a board or two on each window and then GOES UPSTAIRS? But don’t worry, he can hear everything. You know what Barbara? I knew the zombies were going to try to get in and Ive never even seen a zombie movie. I have to admit. I was wondering if he didn’t set you up there so he could show off his zombie fighting prowess.
- When some relatively sane people come out of the basement to see what’s happening, he picks a fight with them and tells them if they can’t stay upstairs with you guys, they can’t have any of your stuff. Or you. Now like I said Barbara, Ive never seen a zombie movie but i did read Lord Of The Flies. You are a very attractive woman Barbara so when I compare him to Jack and you to Piggy, I know you know it’s about the fact that he totally sent that crazy “gonna steal your glasses and throw rocks at you if you cross me” vibe.

Now Helen. Listen. I know you and Harry have some marital issues. Im a therapist. Im all sympathetic to that sister. But you’ve got a crazy power mad guy upstairs and a daughter who everyone (but you) knows is about to go zombie. Why don’t you maybe shelve these things til you are all in a better place?

Tommy, you seemed so sweet and gullible in that “golly gee Mr. Cooper let’s stick with the crazy gun hogging guy” way. I knew you were a dead guy as soon as you walked on stage. You threw your lot in with Ben the “let’s do a bunch of stuff that will piss off everyone in the group” guy and I knew that it was over for you.

Judy, you just had to run out and tattle on Harry didn’t you? And look what happened. Maybe if you’d have stayed with the sane people you would have had a fighting chance. Im pretty sure the four of you could have taken the little zombie girl when she turned.

I admit I was confused by a lot of what was happening. I blame the fact that I lost my glasses and kept muttering things like “Don’t let her nap by the same window the zombies came in, you idiots!” and “seriously you are sending out the two guys who needed each other to carry a 13 inch tv across the room to get help for you? really?” (At this point in the show, Dennick asked. “Were tvs really heavy back then?” No buddy. They weren’t).

Overall, I was surprised that the play was so fun. I went expecting to be creeped out but it turns out that zombies and zombie avoidant refugees can amuse as well as scare! The zombies were hilarious. At one point, a zombie lurched slowly across the front of the theater while eating what appeared to be a brain and making orgasmic noises the entire time. It was like performance art. I was also excited to notice that my friend Danna was a zombie too! Get down with your bad rockin’ zombie self Danna!

I was also, however, surprised that the play was less than an hour long. I will admit friends, I was a little disappointed about that. I know the movie was only 96 minutes and Dennick (who saw the movie and is an amazingly talented director himself) explained that there were scenes that just could not be done on stage. Still, maybe a zombie dance party? Or some extended zombie fighting scenes? Ah well. What the hell do I know anyway?

********END SPOILER ALERT*********

In summary, if you don’t like scary stuff too much but want to be put in a Halloween-y mood, this is the show for you. More importantly, I highly recommend the show as a perfect case study as to how to completely tank during a zombie attack.

In other news, I had a surprise opportunity to get a “face-to-face” with Democratic Darling “Maxine Factor” (of Vote Pretty Fame) after the show. I will be reporting on this soon as giving readers a sneak peak of his vice-presidential pick. (Let’s just say that disenfranchised Hilary voters will finally have our day) Until then, don’t forget to keep voting pretty!

Chasing Out The February (Gretty’s Tuesday Ten)

(yeah it’s wednesday, don’t you people know the rules of tuesday ten?) Ahhh friends. It’s been bleak in my soul as of late. My house is collapsing around me (that’s not metaphorical). People kind of suck (surprise!). I send unsolicited slightly erratic emails to folks. (Sorry XO, you know I love you) Stupid minorly bad things keep happening that cost me money and make me grumpy.Thus, all signs point to a Tuesday Ten!

1. When I rear-ended the woman on the freeway tonight she was extremely nice about it. AND the police officer was just a durned little angel sent from heaven. No citation.
2. I had a mean ass tasty burger for lunch. It was the mother of all burgers. (To be clear, it was mean-ass tasty NOT tasting like ass)
3. The Turnip is consistently using the potty except for the pooping (ahhh…the pooping. Can you blame the kid? Pooping is kind of freaky when it’s all hanging out there over that gaping hole right?)
4. Luckybuzz IS IN OHIO AS WE SPEAK! (well as i write this. Give me a break people. It’s been rough)
5. The gas bill that I forgot to transfer over during the financial horrors of the summer and just remembered a few days ago when the air out of my vent seemed cold turned out to be WAY lower than one would think.
6. Chuzzle. Yeah. Im pretty good at it. Hit level 12 this weekend. Ok you can tell me how awesome I am.
7. The fabus are coming this weekend! And it’s the litchicklet’s birthday party! And trick or treating at bonsai’s!
8. Im going to attemptNanowrimowith Gill. Novel is a loose term of course but Nanowrimo isn’t exactly….highbrow.
9. I have really talented awesome people in my life who encourage me in these little indulgences.
which leads me to (do you even have to guess?)
10. VOTE PRETTY is on the brink. We are in negotiations right now for a press event monday night. Photo shoot is already scheduled. At the very least we will be having a “fireside chat” style interview (if not a debate) as well as a lovely array of campaign photos to launch on the VOTE PRETTY BLOG*
Of course, the poll is ON friends.
Vote as much as you like! (Because isn’t that what America should be about?)

* I still have not officially endorsed a candidate so those of you supporting MRN, it’s still on!

October Surprise

Ok friends, we took a break over the weekend but now it’s time to return to some serious election coverage here at the Crseum. Such is the fate of a blogger in a battleground state. Regular readers know Ive been leaning hard towards republican front-runner John McCain MRN over at Caturday Night Live. This candidate Q & A piece can give undecided voters a comprehensive view of his position on several major issues. I can’t pretend that I haven’t gotten some opposition from my loved ones about supporting a republican. “But Crse! How can you vote republican? You aren’t rich and you don’t give a crap about unborn babies. What are you thinking?” Since I vote with my heart, all I could do was fall back on MRN’s now famous campaign slogan “Snitches Get Stitches”. But friends, as quickly as the weather changes here in the middle east, I got a text on my cell-phone that could truly turn this race around. Introducing: October’s Biggest Surprise.

A lot of presidential candidates are making tons of promises that they’ll never keep. I Maxine Factor make no promises, and won’t do anything to enhance these our united states. So if you are undecided on or just don’t care who to vote for this november, remember the choice is clear… Maxine for president in the write in box. Please forward this to everyone you know, because only you can help not make a difference.

Needless to say, I was quite intrigued so I decided to investigate further. After extensive googling, I learned that not only is the winsome Maxine Factor boldly NOT claiming to have invented google but she is also not so much with the internet. So I did the next best thing, I texted her. She graciously agreed to take time out of her busy campaign schedule to answer a few questions for me.

Q: First Ms. Factor, let me thank you for conversing with me via text today. I’m certainly impressed with your….prettiness. But tell me. Why should we vote for you for president.
A: Because anybody who’s anybody would vote for me. I’m the Gucci of candidates. All the popular kids should want to give me their vote.

Q: Fair enough. We’ve been hearing a lot about the awful state of the economy lately. How do you plan to help America through this difficult time?
A: I’ve never heard of that state…America has 50 states and Economy isn’t one of them. Now if you wanna discuss Maryland, I’m all ears.

Q: I see you aren’t afraid of tough questions. Maybe you could tell me about your plans for foreign relations.
A: (with a slightly indignant tone)It just makes certain slanderous Jessica Simpson comparisons seem justified. I have ABSOLUTELY NO PLANS to have relations with foreigners. They are strictly hired to do yard work.

Finally, a morally sound president with an immigration policy that works for everyone. I didn’t want to take up any more of Maxine Factor’s time, but she did agree to take additional questions from readers.

I admit friends, I am torn. Hmmm…both of these candidates are local. I wonder if it’s too late for a “town hall meeting” type of debate. I do encourage all of you to rock the vote by spreading these two candidates and their messages around the internet. Also, I strongly urge you to vote. As often as you can. In my poll. Oh and ask Maxine questions below!

Live From New York-Because It Went So Well Last Time

-Ok friends, bear with me because Im working with tivo delay. In case you are wondering? I am watching on msnbc. No particular reason….

Here are the rules: No serious questions. No fighting. All criticism is to be directed at me. If you start to attack each other, Im bouncing you. Don’t think I won’t do it either. Im stone cold raw, bitches!

OH. MY. GOD. That is SOOO not Tom Brokaw. Well the hotness factor just flew right out the window..but the moderator is still cute in a grampy way.

-This is a really bad angle for Sen. McCain. He looks paunchy. Actually, he looks as if he had dental work this afternoon. Man he really wants those home mortgages.

- And now for Obama. Wow, those are some eyebrows. I wonder if he does eyebrow grooming? Ah well, Im sure someone is grooming them for him.

-Ohhh so now you are stalking Obama and his sketchy tax relationship with a plumber Senator McCain? And a public plea for some of Joe the Plumber’s tax love. Why you gotta tear Joe apart like this?

-Obama: “it’s not all about you Joe”.

-McCain REALLY knows a lot about Joe the plumber. Is anyone suspicious about Joe the plumber being a PLANT? Im starting to think maybe Joe isn’t a plumber at all.

-Favorite inappropriate laugh moment so far? Obama bringing up Warren Buffet and McCain giggling and saying “we’re talking about Joe the plumber!” This friends, is exactly why I watch the debates.

- You are not even bringing up the damn projector again john. So far my drinking game for this debate would involve the phrases “joe the plumber” and “3 million dollar projector”.

- Ohhhhh snap! Fox news disputes the $42000 tax myth. I love it. Obama is like “way to oppose torture. good job on that, but you are totally gonna suck in every other way”. McCain was so pleased about his “Im not George Bush” line. I feel a little sad that Obama slammed it back on him like he did.

- Ohhhhh nice save on the negativity thing Obama. Im starting to feel sadder for McCain. McCain shared his sweet little hurt feelings and Obama is like “whatever, let’s debate the issues”. I want to hug McCain right now. Ill be your Joe the plumber buddy! Why don’t you give up this silly mean race and come over? Ill make you some cookies and we can process your feelings. And then when we are done? you can pretend that you are my president. Trust me, friend. It will be much better this way.

- Oh so NOW you care about voter fraud John? Really? Flashing back 8 years ago friend. You were awful damn quiet about the shredding of the fabric of democracy back then…remember?

- Oh, don’t laugh at him, Obama! That’s just mean. He’s sad. And hurt. And crazy…

speaking of crazy bring on the palin!

- A reformer. Huh. Ohhhh here we go with the special needs card. She understands special needs kids? Don’t. Just. Don’t. I can’t even go there. I get too mad.

-All I have to say about Joe Biden is that he said he loved John McCain. And John McCain didn’t say it back. When will you learn to love them John?

-”You don’t tell countries you’re going to unilaterally renegotiate agreements with him”. Did you hear that derision in McCain’s voice? AWESOME. You could just hear the “stupid bastard” implied at the end of the sentence.

- Yeah! Screw the oceans! Don’t “look at” off-shore drilling. DO IT!!!

- And screw trade agreements! Screw the exploited labor forces! Screw human rights! Those Columbians freed three Americans! We’ll take the coffee from your plantations and the home-made pot-holders from your desperately poor and abused unwed mothers too! Viva La Monde!

- You know the debate is not going well when you are sitting in your living room wishing you could help out the side you don’t agree with because even though you are philosophically opposed to his positions, you know you can do a better job supporting them than he does.

- Joe the plumber friends! Drink up!

- I love the way that Obama is describing how bad the republican health plan is John is just nodding and smiling. Is McCain so out of touch that he doesn’t realize that $5000 is not going to touch health care insurance for most families?

- Oh wait, so now John knows what Joe wants? So now Joe is rich? Then guess what Joe the plumber? You ain’t one of us! Put your six pack down and get the hell out.

ok we got into some serious shit after this. Engrossing? Yes, but not so much with entertaining bloggability.

In conclusion, I think John McCain has truly lost his shit. Lost. His. Shit. Why? The random giggling about shit that isn’t really funny.

Did you see them shake hands at the end? With the “good job good job” from McCain? See what I mean about how sweet and sad he is? He just needs to come over. Ill fix him right up…

For Your Monday Pleasure

Here is some irrelevant monday crap because I can’t get a post together and I know my monday people need this.

First a list of posts in progress: (Does it surprise you that I have posts in progress? Well the word progress is kind of up for a more loose interpretation. I am thinking about these things but they haven’t quite come together yet)

1. The aforementioned “Why I think the original Jesus sayings indicate a generally undiscussed sense of jerkiness in his character and how I realized in the nick of time that as relevant as it seemed I probably ought not say that in a room full of Christians” – I need to do my research plus Im not ready for more conflict.

2. A disturbing establishment sanctioned abandonment of a long standing social norm at one of my favorite restaurants and why I can’t go back there ever again.- Im still working this all out in my head. It was that disturbing.

3. An “about town” review of a dance I went to on Saturday in which I wanted to share anecdotes involving my new friend Lars the Protector (who is a stand-up comedian, which of course elevates him to instant star status in mind) and others “on the scene”. Unfortunately the review was supposed to involve a report of Y-town’s newly single  Dennick caught in the act of “canoodling” during wild boy on the town moments. – Still working this out plus Dennick stubbornly refused to canoodle by 930 when gill dragged me home (for reasons too graphic to discuss even on this blog)(I will just add that in retrospect, yes I am moderately embarrassed about having an impromptu educational forum about fisting in front of one of my favorite mom-friends and her 17 year old daughter. Thank you pre-gaming. Thank you mango rum.).

4. Another gossipy speculative post on Madame Fabu’s sister’s wedding and my hopes that if god forbid it tanks, we still get to eat all those cookies. (Mother Fabu can make some mean-ass cookies my friends)

Next:

Ive been out and about in the blogosphere over the past few weeks and want to share some of my favorite new sites:

MRN: Caturday Night Live. If you like lolcatz, you will love this site. If you hate lolcatz, you will love this site. But this fellow isn’t all lolcatz (or lolhooterzgirlz), he is also running for president with the slogan “snitches get stitches”. I don’t want to speak too soon or split the vote, but MRN is on my short list…..and you might want to stay tuned for an endorsement announcement.

Arjewtino His subtitle is “Jesus don’t want me for a sunbeam”. My beloved SIL Lucy turned me onto Arjewtino a few weeks ago and the man is a freaking comic genius.

Elecpencil: Poetry and Angst From A Middle Ager I know what you are thinking readers. “But crse, you hate poetry!” But friends, his poems are funny and don’t rhyme. Win-Win for crse.

ok so what else?
- No matter what you hear, the bloody nose I gave Gill this morning was a total accident. (if that’s what you all want to believe hehehe)
- We seem to suffer from a consistent ketchup deficit in our house and I don’t understand why. Today? My vision of plentiful involves a ketchup glut here at the crseum. My goal is to create that glut by thanksgiving. Then maybe I will make a cornucopia of ketchup.
- I have many rational things to be anxious about right now. Instead, Im deciding to hyperfocus on the fact that I haven’t ordered our book-club books and our meeting is next tuesday. “Well crse,” you might be reasoning “you only have eight days and that’s kind of a big responsibility”. Except Im only responsible for myself and litchick. And she never starts the reading until the weekend before (if not the day before) book club. Someday I should blog about my relationship with litchick. She is so good for my soul, if you haven’t already figured that out.
-Note to self: When you meet a friend through LBGT activism don’t automatically assume that when they say something like “I have to ask you something later but you can tell me it’s none of my business”, they are going to ask if you were ever a man. (It was a hand-me-down clothes question. Decidedly less dramatic. Thanks again Lucy, for talking me down on that one)

ok that should keep my monday folks until i get something meatier…

Liveblog from Nashville (well…my living room)

So you may have been wondering, why haven’t you been live-blogging the debates crse? I was wondering the same thing myself as I was falling asleep listening to tonight’s town hall meeting. Not wondering hard enough to get up or anything of course.

Then, about twenty minutes into the debate, I was fairly certain John McCain was going to drop dead right there on stage. It was at that point that I realized, if this man is president it’s going to be a continual deathwatch. And frankly, Ive had old dogs. I practically lived with my gram. I for one, have been down this road before. Does America really want to spend the next four years (at best) figuratively shaking this man awake to make sure he is still breathing? Not cool friends. Way. Not. Cool. At the same time, of course, I realized Id be kicking myself for the rest of my life if, (god forbid and I certainly didn’t want this per se) John McCain died right in front of me during a and I wasn’t liveblogging at the time.

- Nailing Jell-o to the wall. Nice. Dear Senator McCain, the late 90′s called. They want their over-used and extremely lame metaphor back.

- Nuclear power is safe? Really? Tell that to Karen Silkwood. I did love the “I had it on my navy ship and it was FINE” response. This is so my parents’ generation. “Damn kids don’t need car-seats. We never had car-seats and it was fine. Cigarette in one hand, beer in the other and baby hanging on to whatever wasn’t on fire. You kids turned out all right”

- So John McCain. Im wiggling my butt-cheeks and Im feeling your nose up there. It’s ok. You can keep telling me how great I am. I won’t vote for you, but I respect you enough to agree with that.

-Tom. Are you really going Mrs. Kravitz about the time thing? Don’t be startin’ Tom. I wouldn’t say this to you if we hadn’t done very dirty things in my mind before, but you need to freaking relax. Just cut off a question or two at the end! (Hey) (Call me)

- I heart undecided Ohio voters. Every single time McCain goes negative, shwoop. Down they go.

- Oh sweet mother of god, it’s gonna be a follow-up rumble! JEESUS TOM, STEP UP! You’re just the hired help? No you didn’t just say that. Somebody’s gonna be getting the high heeled boots and the whip tonight when I go to bed.

- Gawd. Can’t anyone take a bomb song joke anymore? Damn punch telegrapher. (which means….?)

- Me!!! ME!!!! ME!!!!! I WANNA BE THE ACCEPTABLE DICTATOR!!! PLEEEEEAASE!!!!????

-Ummmmm…Senator McCain? Have you been to Iraq recently? Ummm….did you notice how people kind of ……aren’t allowed to have electricity?….or leave their houses? Ever? Yeah let’s bring that to Pakistan. Great plan. They will love us even more.

-Hell no we aren’t having another cold war with Russia. Not while Sarah Palin is looking out the window every night.

****This just in*****

Madame Fabu weighs in with an alarming text: “Is it just me or does Tom Brokaw have freakishly short fingers?” Of course, all live-blogging to debate is off until we get this answer friends. Because we are about priorities here at the crseum.

YIKES!!! Ok. Breathe. On the positive side, they are definitely too long to be “nubbins” (a fabu term for appendage stumps) but they are clearly short fat little sausages! (Here is crse not being inappropriate….)

**************

-Is Vladimir Putin creating “evil empire”?
Barak: The positive behaviorist. “It’s not evil. It’s evil behavior” Hey I said that to the Turnip just yesterday!
McCain: “Maybe.” (See, I miss funny McCain! That was definitely funny McCain)

-Seriously Peggy from wherever the hell you are? Could you try  to be more dr. freaking seuss with that? Feel good about yourself?  Way to waste the last question jackhole.

Ok John McCain, you didn’t even shake hands. That’s just not nice.