Ok so we all know the story of how the prince is sooo impressed with the princess’s delicacy that he marries her outright. What they dont tell you is that the princess proves to be a colossally high maintenance pain in the ass. And when the princess gets sick? its ten times worse (Oh and you have NO IDEA what you missed since the princess didnt blog through her pregnancies). Case in point. The princess (did you know? its a little known fact that the princess was actually the princess of spider monkeys?) currently (hopefully soon to be recently) has the flu. Her prince is forced once again to deal with an incapacitated spider monkey princess. (oh there will be much blogging about this illness trust me) In an attempt to help the princess whose main pillow is soaked with her toxic night sweats, he dissembles the system (yes I said system. Bear in mind though, the man is not new. He KNOWS about the five pillow system. After all, isnt that why he fell in love with the princess in the first place? Her delicacy?) and throws them in the dryer.
Sadly, the fairy tale does not end well. As the princess defies her prince’s dubious faith in her ability to function in the throes of her illness and bravely faces the stairs to actually remove the pillow from the dryer herself and re-case it. She even briefly contemplates putting the wet clothes on top of the dryer into the dryer. Briefly. Please remember folks, she is a delicate princess. As she finally drags her poor fever addled body back into the bed, horror awaits her. Her feather pillow has molted. Quills are poking in her brain. As she waits patiently for her prince to return from the grocery store with the royal princlet spider monkeys, she is slowly fighting insanity. Her neck stiffens. Is it the proverbial pea? (ok, the molting feathers) or slowly ensuing meningitis? Her fever rages at this point because the royal family did not depart for their quest for her theraflu until after 6pm when the prince knew she was completely out at 2pm (stay tuned for upcoming post: “things i could have complained about during my illness and didnt”). As the prince returns he sends a princlet in with the medicine so the princess is forced to call him on the cell phone (Im sure he hears that ring like James Caan hears that scraping crutch in “Misery”) (ok I stole that line from my brother but it fits) and share her concerns. The thoroughly disgusted prince says “You don’t have meningitis. Switch pillows and go to sleep.” And hangs up on the princess.
And that my friends…is what happily ever after looks like.