Well after intensive family consultation, we have decided that, in the interest of fairness, since we revealed Norm’s identity, it is time to share Turnip’s true identity with the blogosphere as well.
We need to begin by confessing that we’ve purposely cultivated the impression that the turnip is an adorable 14 month old VIP member of the “clean plate club” with a great deal of charm and the power to bend minds at will. Not exactly. Dirty Louie (his real name) is a 41 year old alcoholic with a malingering problem who we suspect drinks away a welfare check every month. He is often pre-verbal and soils himself several times a day. He has been known to drool on pretty girls (well to be honest, he drools on anyone who shows him interest) and can be counted on to rub whatever he is eating all over his body and hair. Yesterday he ate used toilet paper out of the toilet. Gill suspects that Dirty Louie may be a veteran. From what i can see however, he does not appear motivated or mentally or emotionally stable enough to serve in the military. He makes scenes when we are in public and will frequently stare down anyone who has the misfortune of shopping or dining nearby. Norm said he was once a bus driver. Spend about an hour with Dirty Louie and you will see why that probably didnt work out too well.
You will notice he is not wearing pants. He often refuses to wear pants despite a handful of police warnings and the occasional restraining order. He also likes to chew on his socks.
Luckybuzz kind of has a little thing with dirty louie. She always did like the bad boys…