Everywhere I go…dododedoo…
Dateline: Dec. 23. 930am. Status: Denial with floating waves of panic.
– I have: 3 weeks worth of case notes to write and organize. By tuesday. Afternoon at least. I keep making proclamations of intent to Norm. He ignores me. Four years old and he already knows his mommy is full of shit.
– The Christmas Tree showed up missing limbs. We had to buy an emergency tree. It is white with colored lights. Apparently there was some worry that I would not approve of the tree. Um 17 bucks for a four foot tree? Im not here to judge people. Merry Freaking Christmas.
– Right now Im trapped in some sort of television hell watching the “Death of Iceman” whose name is apparently Ootzie. Half watching it once would not be bad. But Gill keeps wandering away and coming back causing me to rewind it. I swear weve been watching fucking ootzie for two hours now and we are about half hour in.
-Gill is off his game this morning. Had to prod him to make me coffee and then actually POUR IT MYSELF. (WTF!!!!) Now he is laying on the couch (Lying? I always mix that up) translating written signs from the documentary “see that billboard? that means Italy. Itzele” Oh god here comes the naked archeologist i know it. I HATE HIM.
– The turnip is not having a good weekend. He’s only produced two hard little pebbles of poop since thursday. This is affecting his mood. He has also learned to open door handles. But this new skill is not consistent which means that we hear his little calls (ahhhbooo…ahDAH ahDAH!) from remote parts of the house indicating that he’s gone into a room, shut the door and is unable to open it again.
-Gill thinks Ootzie is Jesus. Now he is channeling Talledega Nights. I love that movie.
– Norm is hysterically sobbing. TURNIP JUST RUINED SESAME STREET! Doesnt turnip realize there is no christmas in jail? Oh my god, Norm is now sucked into this show.
– The turnip just got down off my lap after a belly tickling session of “STOP RUINING CHRISTMAS” interspersed with “SANTA HATES BABIES”. I cherish this special time where I can speak freely to my baby and as long as I use a fun tone he just giggles.
– Speaking of which, we have no pictures of my kids with santa yet.
– And we have a houseful of people coming tomorrow.
-And more presents to buy.
-But Im going out tonight anyway. Because its the ugly season. Im obligated.
– The show is paused YET AGAIN.
im going people. ill be back before christmas. unless i end up in jail.