bitch and moan monday (why January truly might be better)

Things making me chronically grouchy today.

-Gill had to go back to F@#$ing st. mary’s last night. We got 29 hours of family time before he had to go back. I slept a great deal of that time. And now im alone again. With the terrorists.

-Found out this morning that Norm is getting his tonsils and adenoids out. Ok friends, I realize that in the big picture its no big deal. But they are putting my baby to sleep! To sleep!!! I dont understand why I cant just wear scrubs and be in the room. They do it for childbirth. I think Norm would need me in there more than I needed to watch them scrape Gill off the floor after my c-section (kidding honey) (i know you were down on the floor by choice)(it could have happened to anyone) March 20.

– As a result, Im having violent fantasies of BEATING THE FUCK out of the nurse at the ENT place who told Norm he couldnt eat crunchy foods for a week after the surgery Lady? HE IS FOUR. He has no concept of “week” or “after”. So thanks “helpful hannah”, My kid is now freaking out every time i offer him something crunchy. Youve made my day SO MUCH BETTER….

– I cant find my camera. Preventing me from posting a nice bittersweet picture of my boys.

– A dialogue in my car this evening: “how many weeks has it been mommy?” “Since what buddy?” “NO! MORE! QUESTIONS!” (picture this as a yelling growl if you will) “YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS NOW DONT TALK TO ME FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT!!!” great…

– What the hell is the matter with kids that they have to laugh at a poor little girl who is introducing her imaginary raccoon during share time? You already know she is a bit off, why do you have to be so fucking mean? Makes me want to bring a real raccoon in to rip your mean little faces off…

– Gret isnt going to like this next one. George ate a bunch of poop today. Boy poop. Then he cried when he was done. As if he wanted more. Its all very disturbing.

-There does not seem to be a learning curve for me when it comes to thinking its a fine idea to take two small not so mobile children out to target and then to a kid’s eat free dinner. Three trips to the bathroom, one lost elmo baby shoe and one quickly abandoned leaking bird seed package later, I remember finally, why I dont do this. And ask myself, what the hell is wrong with me? (and im sure as i dragged them both around the restaurant looking for the damn elmo shoe, while the turnip merrily chewed on his sock, people were asking themselves the same thing)

– Bridge to Teribithia? Scarred me for most of my childhood. Didnt need to see it made to a movie. Hey? I have another great idea, why dont we make some camus into a kid’s movie? Maybe the book of Revelations?

On a positive note, some things are making me happy

– A pretty girl offered to secretly marry me this morning!

– A pretty boy called me “sultry” hehehe.

-Jenfactor was my 5,000 blog visitor today!!! Whooohooo!!!

– Possible frozen slushied visits from Skycat and Yogini! (ps: trixie, skycat marries people real good..and she is discreet…just putting it out there…)

– My shameless valentine whoring appears to be paying off! (oh matt allen if you could see me now)

-I also got to experience dialogue like “Look at those freakshows mommy, racing around the road. They dont know how to drive like you do” (again, RT friends STOP LAUGHING!) “I hate kids. They should all go to cooking school” God I love that kid.

– Madame Fabu is back in action.

-Gretty is coming back tomorrow and hopefully restoring us to some sanity….

did i mention my shameless whoring of valentines?

My Valentinr - crsezp
Get your own valentinr


6 Responses to bitch and moan monday (why January truly might be better)

  1. Canada says:

    TRUST ME, you do NOT want to see your child be operated on. But ask the hospital if they will allow you to don a cover suit (like what gill-smoke prob wore during your c-section) and stay with Norm until he gets wheeled into the OR. (it’s the holding part, where he is on the gurney and waiting in the hall the is often the hardest for little kids). Many hospitals will allow one parent to do this, so ask nicely and keep your fingers crossed. Also, in case it’s any consolation, the operation takes less time than filling out the paperwork!

    I hope Tuesday is better than Monday, and Wednesday better than both. Maybe you’ll get a mutaul Valentine sent to you!

  2. skycat says:

    Today is bound to be better, if not more interesting. It is Tuesday and that means trash day here, so for you, I will take all of your yesterday garbage out into my snowy driveway and put a lid on it. You should be feeling better any minute.

  3. The Mistress of the Dark says:

    Kids are evil. I’d bring in the real raccoon. Cos I’m nasty like that 🙂

  4. crse says:

    Canada- I SENT THE MUTUAL VALENTINE. I had to. I couldnt stand it. Thanks for the kindness re the surgery. Im definitely keeping you posted!

    Skycat- its garbage day here too..buddy, but i feel like you might be taking my psychic garbage out and that makes me feel better (ps: i swear i felt that psychic valentine hit my heart yesterday!)

    MOD- we think alike my friend…we think alike

  5. Moe says:

    One word…VERSED. Make sure you ask for VERSED in advance (tell them you want it administered before they take him back to the OR). You’ll probably wait with him in the PAL room (pre-anesthesia lounge). Confirm that they will give him VERSED before they take you to that room then make sure they give it to him while you’re in there and make sure they wait until it takes effect. VERSED acts as an amnesiac and will help him tremendously when they take him to the OR. It will help you too because they are freakin’ hilarious on VERSED. My little guy looked high and was babbling to empty rooms. That stuff is pure genius! Come to think of it now I wish I had some.

  6. Pippajo says:

    I was a bit of a wreck when My Boy had to have surgery, too. He was only 10 months old and had to have a repeat circumcision! That’s right, poor boy. Fortunately for us, my mother worked at the center where the surgery was performed so she went in ahead of us and threatened everyone within an inch of their lives if they didn’t give her grandson the absolute best care they could. But I was still a wreck. And obviously, he was fine.

    He also likes to yell at me when I ask him too many questions, usually after I’ve asked just the first one. I don’t like that. So I started punishing him for it and now he folds his arms and scowls at me, silently. And now we’re working on answering someone when you’re spoken to. Passive-aggressive little twit.

    I myself have to wonder, exactly how many “Hannibal” movies do we need? Wasn’t the first one bone-chilling enough?

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