After reading a post by one of my
newest victims recent blog finds The Fount Of Useless Knowledge (clearly a dorkblogger’s wet dream)(Trixiestalking has all kinds of fringe benefits!) I came up with this week’s idea.
Thirteen of my dorkier social phobias
1. Calling my friends. Two phobias here. One, something will happen and I will have to cut them off while they are talking. Two, I will interrupt them and they will be distracted and off-track all day.
2. Speaking to my neighbors. I LOVE my neighbors but the attached garage is really the best thing that ever happened to me. I stress so bad about those interactions. Like what if we are both in the yard and we start chatting? Do we keep chatting until we go back in the house? Do we continue to greet each other while we do our own separate thing? Do I acknowledge the day you drove past and saw my kid peeing off the front porch with my encouragement in broad daylight?
3. Dropping the kids off at daycare. Hey lady with the associate’s degree and no children? Please stop judging me. Punctuality is the sign of a weak mind.
4. Calling the dr. for prescription refills. Cognitively, I realize that the doctor does not think Im a junkie for celexa but what if it developed street value? And if she really thought I needed it wouldn’t she call me back into the office?
5. Becoming too familiar at business establishments. This isn’t actually irrational. Henry the drive thru attendant at arby’s was sending all kinds of non-verbal disapproval signals when I showed up three days in a row ordering adventure meals for the kids lunch. Are my kids eating just as much fast food? Sadly yes. Have I spent my money at arby’s since? Well no.
6. Interactive restaurants. I am ashamed for all of us when they start singing in unison.
7. Writing checks. I feel like Im sucking up valuable line time from other patrons. And something about the whole check writing process feels a little fraudulent to me. Like I just sign my name on this little piece of paper with sponge bob characters on it and you are going to give me all these groceries. So you say…
8. Ringing doorbells and knocking on doors. Like maybe I just shouldn’t be there if you aren’t waiting at the door for me.
9. Calling the doctor for the children. They always ask questions I never think of finding answers to until Ive already called. So I lie. Then I fear getting caught in the lie. So I develop all these weird little side stories. My relationship with my kids’ health is way more dysfunctional than it should be.
10. Dealing with delivery or repair people. I have never had a repair person in my home that didn’t involve me milling pointlessly around the room trying not to be invasive while remaining available for questions.
11. The express lane. What if they count the bananas as individual items? Or the twelve cans in a twelve pack? Its unnerving I tell you.
12. Restaurants where you seat yourself. Im terrified we will never be noticed and it will be too awkward to leave.
13. Hair salons. Ive had two healthy hair dresser relationships in my life. The rest have all been exercises in various levels of mutual pathology. Case in point? I can no longer get my eyebrows waxed in the salon that is most convenient to me because I ended up talking to the stylist for far too long and had to give her materials on stress management. I never wanted that level of commitment from her. I had to break it off.