Monday Musings

– Our bank account was pirated yet again. Someone pilfered Gill’s debit number and made three $900 purchases at three different Wal-Marts in the metropolitan areas of Phoenix, Arizona. I just wrote and deleted a page of all the things that piss me off in relation to the situation, but it was too angry for a monday musing. Instead, let us ponder this: why one would just go to Wal-mart if one felt one had unlimited funding? At least the last guy who ripped us off had some imagination. He bought first class plane tickets from london to ireland. I never respected him until mr. Identity Stealing Wal-Mart Shopping Mediocre Fuck Up came along. I had no idea Mr. Continental was adding such a sense of class to identity theft until now. MISWMSMFU also made a 25 dollar purchase at jack in the box. Could he make our stolen identities more white trash? (not that i dont enjoy a jack in the box meal when circumstances warrant, mind you) The more I think about it, the more I just want to beat the shit out of this guy. Not even because he stole our money, but because he is so tacky in how he is spending it. I mean seriously, if you are going to spend 27 hundred bucks at wal-mart, you cant buy a pair of fucking khakis and a polo and take the little lady to a nice restaurant for once? Jack Ass.

-Today is my grammy’s birthday. She would have been 87. We went to the cemetery and left a balloon on her stone. Which was admittedly chintzy but I felt a bit cornered what with the screw in vases and cemetery protocol (which is way beyond my scope of understanding). As we were pulling in, we noticed a sign stating “we have niches”. Anybody know what a niche is? Should I buy grammy one? I dont want her not to have one if the rest of the dead people are getting them. I already feel bad enough about the vase. Grammy would have been pissed about the identity theft. She thinks we are way too careless with our money.

-Sometimes NPR really creeps me the fuck out. I shall say no more.

– Have I mentioned that I think Ive passed into a new stage of social-emotional development? Yes friends, it’s Generativity vs. self-absorption. I sprung the good news on Gill the other day. He asked how intimacy vs. isolation worked out for me. There was an awkward silence. Honestly though? A five year old sleeps in our bed right now so while Im leaning towards isolation, I cant offer a truly informed answer at this point. Upon reflection however, it could be that my chronic and deep seated self absorption is presenting as isolation. Go me in stage seven!

– I need a good sexual fantasy crush. (Gill if you’re reading this, I mean beyond the obviously mind and body shattering sexual reality you create for me). I was crushing on Mike Logan from law and order for a while (NOT Chris Noth; Mike Logan) but that’s kind of petered out. Johnny Depp is still on the A-list of course but he hasn’t sparked anything new lately. Anybody have ideas?

Gretty is blogging again. You should go see her.

That’s enough musing for one day.


13 Responses to Monday Musings

  1. Jay says:

    Some dude swipes cash from you bank account and all he can think of is to go to Wal-Mart? What. A. Loser.

    So does the bank cover you on that? I hope so.

    Some dirtbag did that to my Grandmother a couple of years ago. What a pain!

  2. luckybuzz says:

    Oh NO! I’m so sorry to hear about that. If it makes you feel any better at all, my identity theft guy was an idiot too. He bought a bunch of things about “power selling on ebay” and “tips to real estate success”…and had everything shipped to MY address. A freaking buffoon like that actually figured out how to swipe my info? Embarrassing.

    Happy birthday Grammy! 🙂

  3. Stinkbait Boucher says:

    MISWMSMFU! Damn! Children of lesser thieves… I don’t want to alarm you but I think you’re more a victim of a hate crime than identity theft. Walmart? That’s just hateful. What’s next? Brazilian butt waxes for the pit crew? You have indeed been disrepected.

    Niches? That’s how it starts. Don’t do it. Crazy kids.

    Fantasy? Four words: Dick Cheney. (I know, it’s only two words but I was making an allowance for the gagging and retching that’s surely to follow the image.)

  4. Lina says:

    Urgh, how awful about your bank account. What’s Wal-Mart? Assuming nowt like YSL, Gucci or sim.?! It sounds, well, I don’t know what Wal-Mart sounds like.
    Balloon’s sweet. 🙂

  5. The Mistress of the Dark says:

    Crikey….is there nothing you can do about crazy identity theft man? Yikes.

    I hate cemeteries where you can’t plant flowers. However I have a stipulation. When I go on to wherever if anyone sticks a damn geranium on me..I’m haunting them.

  6. ZigZagMan says:

    ok…I need clarifcation on this….was it wallmart or super wallmart, it makes a difference ya know!! 🙂

    I hope you guys have fraud insurance, sorry to here ya got nailed.

    Lets see……man crush for crse…hrrrmmm….Agrah would most likely suggest Jason Statham…who bears a striking resemblance to myself….lol

  7. RockDog says:

    Yeah…how does that work? Does the bank realize it wasn’t you and reimburse you??? Either way, that sucks!

  8. Canada says:

    Oh so sorry on the horrendous (and unbelieveably unimaginative) identity theft/fraud guy. Hoping that insurance covers it.

    As for fantasy, rent Taking Lives. Fast forward to the hot and steamy sex scene. Recreate in your mind sans the dead body/murder scene pics. Enjoy 🙂

  9. Bunny says:

    “A five year old sleeps in our bed right now” – mine are six and two and have no concept of sleeping without Mommy or Daddy. Very occasionally the 6-yr-old sleeps in his own bed, but I don’t think the 2-yr-old even realizes she has her own bed.
    Sorry about the Wal-Mart bandit. I hope Grandma hexes him from above!
    Fantasy men: Jude Law or Wes Bentley.

  10. Ash says:

    Dude, I swear I will throughly read this post. today. I will do it today. but you’ve been tagged! See da blog for details!

  11. Mrs.ZigZagMan says:

    Jason Statham. yup. Brains, body, martial arts and that voice. Check out lock, stock and 2 smoking barrels and Snacth. Oh and Transporter. The Italian job. ummm and he has a bunch of new stuff coming out too.

    About the identity theft. I think you should consider sittign down with your bank and seriously looking at how you manage things and what you can do to make them more secure. I lost my card once… (not really, i put it somewhere so safe i couldnt find it). My bank account still has an extra password attached. You need to check with the big three creditors and have your files reviewed and flagged. It would so suck to find out you have a mortgage in alaska. I am so sorry about the tacky theft. I promise if i steal your money I will at least take you to Vegas or something cool…..

  12. crse says:

    Folks, a little (possibly unintentional) smack on the ass from rockdog is reminding me that i do need to respond to your comments because i do appreciate you all!

    Jay- I hope so buddy. Our “personal banker” is dodging me. She was a complete fuck up last time we got pirated. This time she isnt even trying.

    LB- I know exactly what you mean. You just feel dirty and not in the good way. Next time I am at the cemetery I will send a big old “smell me” from you to Grammy!

    Stinkbait- (may I call you stinkbait sir? It does seem a bit forward) I think I would have preferred the Brazilian butt waxes. Although my butt is currently hairless, Id respect a fellow who cared enough to get the brazilian kind for his crew. Its kind of sweet and beautiful.

    Dick Cheney: Man Crush. I wonder what kind of google tracking ill get from that one!

    Lina- Stay tuned for an update about the culture of wal-mart.

    MOTD- I have a nice hanging geranium on my porch. It is purple. It smells lovely.

    Zig-Me too buddy. Me too. Jason Statham is a definite hottie…..

    Rock-The bank caught it first this time. We filled out fraud reports and nothing has happened yet. Im getting nervous and pissed.

    Canada- See I just cant get on board with Ethan Hawke or Keifer Sutherland. I do like a hot sex scene (sans body parts of course)

    Bunny-The baby is working his way in. See today’s post for recent developments! You are kind of cheering me up though and making me feel less alone.

    Ash- Darlin’ Ash! You know i love getting tagged baby!

  13. crse says:

    Thats so sweet Mrs. Zig! I hope we win big then! Actually, i do know why it keeps happening. Its because Im a complete idiot. The joke here is of course that whoever steals the identity is going to be PISSED that they inherited my credit rating. I can almost guarantee id never qualify for a mortgage in alaska!

    I did see snatch and was quite….intrigued…by the previews for transporter two….

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