So this pig walks into a bar….

Well friends, Im happy to report that the week has completely turned around and Im once again riding the lazy river of denial and hope! So here is something interesting/odd/slightly uncomfortable/embarrassing to share. We are going to a pig roast tonight. Now, Ive heard about pig roasts before and we’ve been invited to this one for the last four years, but this is the very first time that Im faced with actually attending one. The party is hosted by one of the owners of Gill’s company who seems to be a totally fun guy who by all indications throws a hell of a shindig. (We always blew it off in the past because we had other things going on) Somehow, I guess I never really played the tape through about what is actually going to happen at this event. And now, Im kind of horrified. So all week long, these sort of disturbing thoughts about the roast have been floating around the edges of my conscious mind. Like on the invitation, there is a thank you to the woman who raised and provided the pig. Um…Fern?? Where are you because I think Wilbur is in some big damn trouble right now. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Its not like I was holding on to an image of the pig up on a stage like flavor-flav with all the pigs friends telling jokes. Still, over the last day or so, it occurred to me as Im looking at books with the turnip, asking him what sound the pig makes, how are the kids going to feel when they see a whole charred pig? How am I going to feel? How can i eat, or let my babies eat something after we all clearly saw that it was bigger than any one of us individually? The whole experience smacks of cannibalism to me. The execution of Joan of Arc is also coming to mind a lot. I mean I tried vegetarianism and couldnt take it, but I am firm about wanting to be as far away as possible from any knowledge of my meat as an animal. (for instance, where do hamburgers come from? Why the freezer of course) Its shallow cruelty i know, (I am working towards a more healthy approach and gradually trying to add cruelty free meat to our diets)(admittedly, gradual in the sense that im still buying the happy eggs and have asked my friend Feather about good places to buy happy meat) but its how i roll. So as the party draws closer, Im feeling less and less festive and more like Im heading into a scene straight out of lord of the flies.

Speaking of the flavor-flav roast,Im a little concerned about carrot top. He appears to have some defensiveness issues. I was really afraid he was going to go off during the show. Im researching this further. I will keep you posted. (but no i am not going to explain how i ended up watching the flavor-flav roast. Some things just..happen)

In positive news, someone mailed my driver’s license back to me this week. I took it as the universe telling me to lose the morose attitude. Ok thats what i got.


9 Responses to So this pig walks into a bar….

  1. The Mistress of the Dark says:

    I’m not sure I could deal with a pig roast myself. nope don’t think I could do it.

  2. gretty says:

    Wait ’til you see them hack off the chunks of meat.

  3. Factor 10 says:

    Carrot Top is definitely looking like the beast from a hack and slash horror film. Maybe something involving a sand-in-the-the-face nerd who sells his soul to get revenge upon his imagined enemies…

    (Good luck with the pig, sister. I got nuthin.)

  4. Moe says:

    You should have been at my high school graduation party…we had a pig/lamb/chicken roast. I only ate the chicken though…although I do have a picture of the pig’s head with a glass of draft beer on the table with all of my graduation pics. Yep…I’ve always been a weirdo. C’mon, I am from Hubbard after all 🙂

  5. Canada says:

    I went to a pig roast in Miami. It was roasted in a pit, and I just stayed far away from the actual carcass. Good hosts will bring platters of the meat to the buffet table, where you do not to look your dinner in the eye.

  6. Xavier Onassis says:

    Pig roasts are awesome!

    Had one for the wedding reception at my 2nd marriage.

  7. Stinkbait Boucher says:

    The comment that I’m compelled to leave would test the boundaries of post-comment-length etiquette so I guess I’ll need to take the bulk of my ramblings outside.

    That notwithstanding – the carcass was probably a lot smaller than you expected wasn’t it? If it was prepared correctly it probably looked more like a golden retriever than a pig. Probably tasted better too – but I’m not here to start a holy war.

  8. Pippajo says:

    Oh, dear crse, haven’t read any blogs for so long, am so behind, need to catch up, but am popping in to say I will be back soon and I miss this! So, so, so sorry!

  9. crse says:

    MOTD- It turned out way better than I thought. Pina Coladas in a colostomy bag change EVERYTHING.
    Gret- This was way more organic than I thought, If i didnt respect you so much, I would feed you some because youd have never known it was pork!
    Jenn- I think this! Ive read a few quotes from him indicating the sand in the face revenge thing!
    Moe!- no pressure but pleasepleaseplease be a frequent commentor! My blog def needs more Moe. Having said that, this is one of many reasons why I love you. Knowing you all these years, never guessing this about yous, and not actually being surprised when you reveal…well because like you said…you are from hubbard!
    Canada- Thats exactly what happened!
    XO- how many marriages have you had? But yes it was way more fun than i thought.
    SB- Im blushing. Is this a polite way of telling me i over comment? I had no idea there was etiquette! Sir are you suggesting we ate golden retriever? That the best pig roasts are actually golden retriever? Hmmm…provocative. Remember sir, this blog is all about pushing the envelope and controversy!
    Pippa- ohhh sunshine, you didnt miss much besides some self-indulgent pity partying. But please blog more! I miss you!

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