So friends, our scene is set. We are crammed in our hemorrhoid inducing section expectantly waiting for the show to begin. Despite my circumstances, Im pretty darn excited about the fact that the row in front of us is empty. Mentally, I am thinking of subtle ways to create more space by stealthily manipulating these chairs once the concert begins. I do a quick risk assessment and see that the elaborate soundboard system approximately five feet from Gill’s seat will be a problem (consider this foreshadowing friends). Of course, as soon as the lights dim, six inconsiderate bozos trail in to take those seats (please note that when I am late and intrusive people need to be understanding and polite, but when others are late and intrusive they should defer to my comfort levels. In this case that would have entailed either standing in the back of the stadium or leaving altogether lest they ruin my comfortable viewing experience). The show begins with the announcement that the TSO will be donating the proceeds of the night to a local charity. Would you like to hear what the charity was? The local college women’s basketball team. Madame Fabu and I looked at each other completely flabbergasted. (at this point I may have fallen in love with the folks behind us who were also vocally appalled). Are you even fucking kidding me? (hey friends, the liquor was flowing freely. With the liquor comes the f word) So the women’s basketball team has a chronic or terminal disease and can’t afford to pay bills? They are dying and need a wish? Madame Fabu immediately begins listing local charities that might have been better allowing us to ask questions like do they need homes built? Do they need protection from abusive spouses? Do they need toys for their children for Christmas? ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING KIDDING ME? Ok this is a total digression (How about when I went to write digression, I wrote the word aggression instead?) and for the sake of my patient readers, I will complete the story today despite the word count issue. Anyway, I still had hopes for the show. Now bear with me friends, I am remembering from two nights ago. I believe it began with two long haired fellows doing the 80’s hair band guitar thing to alternate sides of the stadium. (You know, standing on amps, thinking they were Eddie Van Halen sort of stuff) I do like 80’s hair bands. Is this going to be an 80s hair band thing? Well ok, I can get behind that. I think. (I was wrong). I then remember lots of flashy lights and guitar posturing. Then the lights went dim and this guy began talking.
Ok friends. I just lost over five hundred additional words about our lovely story. I am tired. It is late. I am sorry. Its all gonna be anti-climactic when I finally finish this damn story….