The (anti) dramatic conclusion

Ok Luckybuzz has pointed out the sad truth about this story. I will bullet the rest of the highlights.

• The narrator sounded like Boris Karloff in Grinch who stole Christmas.
• Madame Fabu pointed this out by singing “dah hu lor ay, fah hu dor ay” (or whatever it is) when he first started talking.
• He reminded me of a soulful, black Spike .
• These two things made me like the guy a lot.
• The story was interrupted by mad 80’s rock versions of traditional Christmas songs like “hark the herald angels sing” and “joy to the world”.
• Which was very nice until the guitar players tried to get us all to stand up.
• Which was ridiculous.
• Oh and there was a guy three rows up with a really big head who caused us all to have to occasionally shift to see the stage.
• I did not mind except when the narrator was talking.
• And was also the point where Madame Fabu pointed out her obsessive annoyance with a hunchbacked man two rows in front of us who was chewing his gum like his life depended on it.
• I found the gum chewing fascinating as it went “chew…chewchew” in a steady rhythm regardless of what was going on musically.
• The gist of the story seemed to involve a guy in a bar who was getting free drinks from a fellow telling a story about an angel traveling the world looking for hope or something.
• The angel found a guy who wanted his daughter to come home for Christmas
• The angel then found the guy’s daughter who wanted to go home too but couldn’t find a star to wish upon so she wished upon a bar sign.
• Somehow, she ended up in the bar and the bartender gave her money to get home
• At the end of the story the guy getting free drinks realized that he was probably talking to the angel.
• I was faced with the sad reality that in my town you don’t get free drinks from angels and you don’t get travel money from bartenders.
• All you get is fellows offering to get you high for a blow job.
• After a huge light and rock guitar finally, the annoying david lee roth wannabe introduced the band and thought he was a lot funnier and more of a superstar than he actually was.
• I was annoyed by this and prepared to leave gratefully thinking it was a fantastic show despite the basketball thing and the stage presence of the guitar jackasses.
• Then DLR announced that the show was only half over.
• They started the second half with “Proud Mary”. Which was extremely enjoyable.
• The rest of the show was a blur of crazy melding of Handel’s Messiah and other classical music pieces with over the top 80’s rock.
• Which was incredibly overstimulating
• And my butt was numb
• And when they asked if we were having fun, our group reply was basically “ask us forty five minutes ago”
• Speaking of which, TSO also contained several leggy blond women in plunging necklines, fish net stockings and spiked leather boots.
• These women came and sang right by us on the sound board stage.
• At some point, they covered the equipment with thermal blankets
• And raised this platform and shot flames from two little chalices of fire.
• The fire was very hot.
• To the point that Madame Fabu and I were shrinking away.
• The women were hot too
• But their hotness did not make me shrink away.
• Then they went back and the two guitar players came and played on the sound board platform too.
• And sent fog which froze the hell out of us.
• We saw DLR’s face in close up. He was an old and sad looking man.
• They wanted us to stand. We did not
• Finally it was over and we got the hell out of there because they were coming out to sign autographs.
• Oh I forgot the “Keyboard dual”.
• Keyboard dual?
• Are you fucking kidding me?
• Am I just too bitter and cynical to think that was not the cheesiest thing ever?
• The keyboardists did kick ass though.
• The show was Three. Hours. Long.

In summary (too late I know), the music was awesome. The light show was great. Everyone but DLR was extremely hot. And DLR was NOT an original member which made me think I would like the show if he was not part of it. Senor bought a CD and we listened on the way home. It was really nice actually….

804 words friends! Anyway, I promise this is the end of TSO. Lonnie Manko did have a very pleasant experience up in her seat so do not be deterred if you are thinking of seeing them. Unless you are Maggie May. Because my little soul drinking buddy, I think you will have a similar response as me….


11 Responses to The (anti) dramatic conclusion

  1. Bunny says:

    All you get is fellows offering to get you high for a blow job

    I have heard that TSO is best enjoyed high . . .

  2. luckybuzz says:

    Sounds utterly horrifying. I’m glad you made it out okay. 🙂

  3. Maggie says:

    Horrifying. But also: hilarious. Thank you.

  4. RockDog says:

    “Speaking of which, TSO also contained several leggy blond women in plunging necklines, fish net stockings and spiked leather boots.”

    As if I needed more convincing to check out this show. I’ll be getting ym wife some tickets so that we can enjoy a nice night together…with leggy blond women in plunging necklines…

  5. Lisa says:

    I think I could be stuck digging a ditch in the rain with you and have so much fun! I loved how you and Madame Fabu took notice of the gum chewing cadence of the gentleman in front of you. That requires some concentration in the middle of DLR, hot women, even hotter flames and puffs of dry ice.

    I agree with your other readers – horrifying yet strangely hilarious!

    (PS: You’re not the disappearing friend I mentioned in my blog. I always know where to find you. 🙂 )

  6. Stinkbait Boucher says:

    Guitar Jackasses and the Blowjob Angels.

    I think you’ve got a good name for a tribute band buried in there.

    Please tell me there was a bass solo…

  7. Jay says:

    I’m kind of thinking I’m glad I didn’t go see them when I had the chance. Even with the leggy blondes.

  8. The Mistress of the Dark says:

    3 hours? OMFG!

  9. Canada says:

    And the thing that makes me laugh the most? Your use of the acronym TSO, which makes sense. But completely throws me every time into “What? The Toronto Symphony Orchestra is on tour with light shows etc? Oh yeah, TSO also means something else” 🙂

  10. Pippajo says:

    I just don’t know what to say. The TSO is…just…wow, and you spent THREE HOURS there? I can imagine going to something like that with my “crew” and having fun simply because I was with them, so I understand.

    But seriously…3 hours?

  11. Lucy says:

    I missed a keyboard off? Damn it to hell!

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