I wanted to compliment you for sucking so badly. It is a rare treat to witness incompetence on such a grand level. For future reference, here are some highlights of your retardation that you can draw from as continue to flaunt your idiocy in the future.
– When I order iced tea and water? Just bring the iced tea. But please don’t stop there as this is a common error and you would not want future patrons to fail to see your special brand of assholery.
– The human looking little creature hanging around my neck and screaming? Well it’s probably either a really attractive monkey or one of them fancy assed robotic web thingies everybody got nowadays. Don’t bother offering me a kids menu or asking if the monkey boy would like a drink or anything.
– Cause everyone at the table anxiety by refusing to write anybody’s orders down and then when you repeat back, repeat the wrong thing. This gift is especially charming when three people order the exact same thing and you repeat back the same wrong thing for everyone. Really? At that point, nobody even remotely expected that you would screw up the order just out of the sheer reinforcement you experienced through repetition. Oh we were so naive.
– When I request a kid’s menu for the monkey boy? Ignore the fact that it might be helpful to bring the actual menu and a few crayons as it might stop monkey boy from stabbing at my head with a fork for his own entertainment. Instead, RECITE the menu to me. JACKASS.
– Surprise and astound the entire table by bringing out three wrong orders. That happen to be what you repeated back and were corrected. JACKASS IT’S EGG SALAD, NOT EGG PLANT.
– Screw up the rest of the orders by forgetting dressings and condiments.
– Make sure the bringing of the meals takes FORTY FIVE MINUTES FOR MOSTLY SANDWICHES so I have to leave before I can eat.
-Mis-charge us so two of us end up picking up the same person’s meal. You cheating motherfucker (this should raise my cuss-o-meter).
These are things you can do to ruin a delightful lunchtime gathering. Now Im going to get serious here. Let me make you very aware of what you did to my cheeseburger you evil motherfucker. (Confidential to LB: If nausea and meat stories are going to be problematic for you sweetie stop now)
(Ignore the condiments in the photo as there were no condiments) Look at the still warm and seeping flesh. You expected me to eat that…carrion? Do you think me an animal sir? In the name of all that is good and decent in the world man, that flesh needed ketchup and mustard! Aye I cursed you Sir. With every bite of my naked bloody flesh sandwich I cursed you for taking me down this foul and dirty road. I can speak no more. I…am tainted now.