Hey America, You are SO good looking….

On paper, a patriotic themed spring sing program did not sound all that enticing. Well at least to me. I mean I don’t consider myself UNpatriotic by any means but over the past few years, Ive noticed that the preponderance of patriotism tends to be more like the attitude a permissive parent has over his or her bratty, unpleasant child. On the other hand, I see my brand of patriotism as loving my country enough to admit its faults while working to change them when I can. Yes, sometimes my country might need a time out or to lose tv for the evening. And hey, I don’t spank myself BUT….. Im just saying, sometimes, a country needs to learn.

Bearing this in mind, Im sure you can imagine my misgivings upon discovering this theme. I am not going to pretend that learning last year’s theme was a Beatles retrospective did not sharpen the insult. Still, Norm has been practicing so hard and was beyond excited so I kept my mouth shut and agreed that US is best or whatever.

Friends, it was the cutest damn thing Ive ever seen. They sang woody guthrie. With little hand motions. (there were little hand motions to everything). May I take the liberty (ha get it liberty? Ha. Ha. I kill me) of sharing bits of the day through random slashes?

– When I got to the school this am to see the dress rehearsal, I realized all too quickly that my concerns about sending my five year old to school in his performance wardrobe and requiring him to wear it until 6pm tonight were indeed valid ones. Furthermore, I was one of the few slow-mo parents that took the term “dress rehearsal” much too literally. Still doesn’t he look adorable?

– Norm barely smiled throughout the entire dress performance. Initially, I thought it was because he was placed next to the most evil little girl in the entire school (this is not a subjective attack. She has been identified by many in this manner. Gill calls her the human jackal). Afterwards, i asked him to whisper to me what was wrong. He said everything was fine. Later in the day, he told me he couldn’t smile because his cheeks hurt.

– I think my biggest problem with the whole theme is actually a metaphor for my problem with my kindergarten experiences in general. No clarity. We started with the star spangled banner. Are we expected to sing along? Put our hand on our heart? Then there was some talk about them double singing God Bless America, so we could join in the second time. But they never did it. Not in the dress rehearsal and not in the concert itself. Friends, maybe im just a bad american but who the HELL knows the words to God Bless America. Furthermore, are they even supposed to be singing that in school? I mean Im no Madalyn Murray O’Hair or anything but that whole church-state thing? Weren’t there also ministers supporting the separation issue? (that’s rhetorical. yes, there were ministers behind it) (Id cite this but im too weary) My only point here is that the no double singing was a good thing here.

– By the time the performance happened tonight, Norm was only slightly stained and much more smiley. For me the high-light of the evening was when he was already positioned on stage and waiting and he just all of a sudden pulled his shirt up almost entirely over his head and back down again. He didn’t remember doing it when my dad mentioned it to him. I guess he was hot.

-Second only to the flashing was one of the final songs. Im Proud To Be An American. Apparently, it’s a popular country song. I think it’s been used to sell trucks or something. Anyway, to hear a bunch of kindergarteners start singing about their wives and kids was AWESOME. If I could have done one single thing differently it would have been to give them all cans of pabst blue ribbon beer to wave around.

Ok Im done now with the gratuitous momming it up. But I must leave with a shot of my favorite little patriot.


8 Responses to Hey America, You are SO good looking….

  1. gillsmoke says:

    Awwww, he is a handsome man. I’m glad to be a parent with you. You left out the texting bit, the highlight of the show for me was “I’m glad you’re back now I don’t have to send you that ‘You’re a selfish asshole’ text”.

  2. luckybuzz says:

    Awww, he’s so big and handsome! I miss you guys….

    And your last slash point there? Damn. I am loving the visual of the kindergarteners waving PBR cans. Love it.

  3. Andrea says:

    Awwwww he’s just too darn cute 🙂

  4. Lucy says:

    Sooooo Cuuuttteee!!!!! He would look more authentically patriotic with a PBR.

  5. Trelvix says:

    You’re killing me with the cute kids and stories. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still a wildly amusing story but how can I do what I do with that face looking at me? Advantage CRSE.

  6. Canada says:

    So. Damn. Adorable!!!!!! And I certainly don’t know the words to God Bless America (of course, I always attributed this to the fact that I’m Canadian . . . but it seems I’m not alone)

  7. crseum says:

    Gill- I really was grateful I didn’t have to write that text. But for the record it was “you selfish ass” (remember my buttons are sticking, i try to be brief now) Im glad to be parenting with you too baby.
    LB- I cant wait to hear little H stories like this!
    Andrea- thank you!
    Lucy- Maybe we can get him to act it out with the PBR in hand. A little family performance!
    Trelvix- You trumped me with your most recent post sir. I bow my head in defeat….Seriously though, you are scaring me. Be honest, am I in danger of becoming the blog version of a “chick flick?” I need to know this and am requesting an intervention if this is becoming the case…
    Canada- That’s my new excuse. I refuse to learn out of support for my brothers and sisters in canada.

  8. Bunny says:

    That is one incredibly cute young man! I’m trying to imagine kindergarteners singing God Bless the U.S.A. (that’s the proud to be an american song). That’s just wrong on several levels.

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