open mic night

Now friends, I will confess, Ive not been to many open mic nights in the past. Granted, memories of poetry night at the local bar did color my expectation. However, here are two things I did not expect to see happen at open mic night:

1. An identified ballerina singing an a cappella version of the beatles “blackbird”. She trilled. A lot. It was kind of painful. But not as painful as…..

2. Screech.

Now friends, I first became aware of our town’s version of screech last week during a dramatic reading of a very intense play. Never a “saved by the bell” fan, I was not greatly impressed by his nasal voice and his self-indulgent “crazy” hair. I had not planned on thinking about Screech again. Ah but destiny had other plans for us….Apparently screech also participates in open mic night. I didn’t realize it was him until he jumped up on the stage and told us he’d be singing two songs. Then he started describing the past few weeks. Now friends, again I don’t know much about mic night but is it common protocol to explain to the audience that you are twenty years old, and within the past six weeks, you got and lost your first girlfriend and she took your virginity? If so, is it standard to also share during the introduction that your best friend told you last night that she hates you and never wants to see you again? Im checking because that’s what Screech did. And then, as I continued to avoid eye contact with my beloved sister in law Lucy, lest I embarrass us both by bursting into inappropriate chimpanzee like laughter from sheer discomfort, friend screech broke into Garth Brooks. Along with Garth Brooks. It was like that bizarre Natalie Cole duet with her dead father, if Natalie was not a great singer, did not stay in time with the song itself, and performed the song with a bunch of really strange and awkward motions and movements. Then, he offered up the second song, another country song, he described as an upbeat rejection song. And he danced. Oh friends, yes he did dance. I felt dirty and purified all at once.

Ok Im getting extremely sleepy but just wanted to put this out there for feedback…

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7 Responses to open mic night

  1. Travis says:

    I don’t remember how I got to your blog but I pity you for actually having to witness Screech’s “comedic stylings”…

    i guess, in actuality, it’s more like a roughly handled comedy abortion.

    If you see him again, tell him I hope he gets hit in the face with a mallet.

  2. luckybuzz says:

    Horrifying. Even more horrifying than poetry night at the local bar, I’m betting (though, of course, I’m sure MY drunken poetic ramblings were the high point of those…uh, never mind).

  3. crseum says:

    Travis- I don’t know how you got here either but I went to your blog and you are a freaking comedic GENIUS. I look forward to stalking you more now!
    LB- You never participated in the readings did you? I don’t remember you reading! I remember mocking the poets together. If you read, Im sure I was moved to tears…

  4. Lucy says:

    The trilling blackbird didn’t bother me so much–I just thought she was a sweet young girl being a sweet young girl in that “you’re so good you should try out for American Idol” kind of way. But the Screech. Yoy. Honestly, I would have listened to him sing Garth Brooks for two hours if he hadn’t first loaded me up with the image of his recent loss of virginity.

  5. luckybuzz says:

    Hee! I read pretty often, actually. I was always completely shitfaced when I did, but I know I did, and I’m pretty damn sure you were there! For some reason, the fact that you can’t remember me reading at those makes me smile. I don’t know why. But I think it’s kind of awesome. 🙂

  6. Andrea says:

    Screeh = Justin Timberlake.

    That is all. Hope your weekend was a good one 🙂

  7. crseum says:

    Lucy- that’s a fun game possiblity! I would have taken the virginity story over the garth brooks. But only if the best friend dumping was included….
    LB- I obviously thought you were good or I would currently be experiencing pangs of vicarious embarrassment out of love!
    Andrea- Well, not so much from this perspective. I hope you had a good weekend too buddy…

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