Because Ive told way too many stories lately. Because Gill is in Puerto Rico and won’t be home until Tuesday night. Because some things just feel better in dash form.
I’ll start with dashes of questions I didn’t want to ask today. (ill add the unfortunate answers when i know them)
– Why is there a roller blade in the bathroom?
– Why are there teeth marks in this battery?
– Why is the dog so focused on what he is eating…wait what IS he eating? (Turnip’s pooped up diaper)(The saddest part of this is that I had just picked up a bit in the living room and had said aloud “it does look better in here” STUPID. WHEN WILL I LEARN?)
– (to Norm) What do you mean I don’t have to worry about the fact that Turnip pooped on the floor? (because the dog ate it. Sadly, these last ones were two separate instances)
– Why is your brother screaming? (This is such an all-purpose question. At any given point during the morning or evening I could have shouted this into the air and it would have been a valid question for at least one of them)
Ok now just some random dashes:
– Here is something else disturbing: Loyal readers know my glasses have been missing for a while now. So a few days ago, I open my side table drawer and I find the two lenses stacked on top of each other. No frames. Nothing. So I’m afraid the Turnip has been upgraded from a person of interest to a prime suspect.
– It is 2am. Do you know where your children are? I do. I know because up until five minutes ago they were wide. awake. I know if Norm Sr. is reading this he is probably shaking his head in disappointment. I will take this moment to remind him that in our repressed society, it is still frowned upon to administer morphine to small children.
– Because several Real Time friends asked me today, I want to clarify. We forfeited last night. We got to play but we had to give up the loss before we even took the field. Fear not, loyal fans, we shall rise from the ashes. As God as my Witness the balls of steel will live on to play again! (I hope)
– My college mentor emailed me today to tell me there is a publishing company in germany that wants me to submit my master’s thesis. Friends, you may be looking at the next David Hasselhoff!
-Did I mention Gill is in Puerto Rico?