RDOC: The coming apart at the seams edition

Because Ive told way too many stories lately. Because Gill is in Puerto Rico and won’t be home until Tuesday night. Because some things just feel better in dash form.

I’ll start with dashes of questions I didn’t want to ask today. (ill add the unfortunate answers when i know them)

– Why is there a roller blade in the bathroom?

– Why are there teeth marks in this battery?

– Why is the dog so focused on what he is eating…wait what IS he eating? (Turnip’s pooped up diaper)(The saddest part of this is that I had just picked up a bit in the living room and had said aloud “it does look better in here” STUPID. WHEN WILL I LEARN?)

– (to Norm) What do you mean I don’t have to worry about the fact that Turnip pooped on the floor? (because the dog ate it. Sadly, these last ones were two separate instances)

– Why is your brother screaming? (This is such an all-purpose question. At any given point during the morning or evening I could have shouted this into the air and it would have been a valid question for at least one of them)

Ok now just some random dashes:

– Here is something else disturbing: Loyal readers know my glasses have been missing for a while now. So a few days ago, I open my side table drawer and I find the two lenses stacked on top of each other. No frames. Nothing. So I’m afraid the Turnip has been upgraded from a person of interest to a prime suspect.

– It is 2am. Do you know where your children are? I do. I know because up until five minutes ago they were wide. awake. I know if Norm Sr. is reading this he is probably shaking his head in disappointment. I will take this moment to remind him that in our repressed society, it is still frowned upon to administer morphine to small children.

– Because several Real Time friends asked me today, I want to clarify. We forfeited last night. We got to play but we had to give up the loss before we even took the field. Fear not, loyal fans, we shall rise from the ashes. As God as my Witness the balls of steel will live on to play again! (I hope)

– My college mentor emailed me today to tell me there is a publishing company in germany that wants me to submit my master’s thesis. Friends, you may be looking at the next David Hasselhoff!

-Did I mention Gill is in Puerto Rico?


4 Responses to RDOC: The coming apart at the seams edition

  1. wendylady says:

    it’s days like these that I remind myself that,”I love my children and murdeer is still illegal!” I also would venture to say that Benedryl is a good thing allergies or not. There was a night when my sugar baby reacted to phedophrine and stood in the toilet while flushing. Benedryl and a stiff drink saved my mind.

  2. Steph says:

    Is Gill in Puerto Rico because of Turnip’s diaper? Who needs another David Hasselhof more, us or Germany? Why is administering morphine to small children frowned upon? The way I see it, the hospital should give you a lifetime supply upon checking out after giving birth.

  3. crse says:

    Wendylady- Ahhh benedryl….the promise that never came true. My kids don’t respond to it. I love the toilet flushing image! Stuff like that will bring me back when I think it can’t get any worse. Stiff drinks work too of course….Thank you so much for that!

    Steph- Welcome! Gill is in Puerto Rico because of business although diaper avoidance is probably a motivational thing. I promise to be the best hasselhof I can be in order to make my country proud. And can I get an amen on the morphine? Id be happy to take the morphine with my children just to show my commitment to the cause. PS: Im taking your visit as permission to continue stalking you! 🙂

  4. maggiemay says:

    Oh, you poor thing. Although I have to admit, this entire list made me laugh. Especially the teeth marks in the battery, and your lenses in the drawer. I know these are sad items for you, but for me, my dear, they are comic GOLD.

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