Monday Musings

– I recognize that healthy shame and subsequent self-restraint should be curbing my redundant and continual ranting about how much I hate the parakeet that lives in my house but Im not even the slightest bit deterred. Everyday I flash to that scene in “Gladiator” where Joaquim Phoenix is all “Why must he still live?” and something about it vexing him that Russel Crowe will not get killed. The fact that this damn parakeet refuses to die vexes me greatly. I am starting to suspect he is a reincarnated buddhist monk forcing me towards enlightenment by making me care for something I loathe. He must not have been that great of a monk though because while I will care for the bird, I wear that bird loathing like a second skin.

– We have a new dog. It is a complex situation but he is wonderful and Im hoping he lives with us forever. I am struggling however, because he was another one of Gretty’s rescue dogs and her boyfriend gave the dog a name I find to be rather feminine. I don’t mind that the name is feminine and I don’t mind that I continually refer to the dog as “she” because of the name but everyone else here seems to mind a great deal. The dilemma does bring to light inherent societal dog sexism I think.

– I’ve been thinking a lot about other preferential standards in our society lately. Two in particular affect me directly. The first is alphabetism. Let’s be honest folks. When large groups of people are being organized, the majority of the time alphabetizing plays a part. I am not proud to admit that before I was married, I was oblivious to my place of privilege in this paradigm. I was a D people. A D. D’s are fresh. They get their stuff first. They get announced first. They get to be at the front of the line. Now…I am a T. Are we staying honest here? Raise of hands, who has not though at a commencement or large ceremony, “Oh thank you sweet jesus, we are finally to the T’s” (insert any letter past R for that matter). “It’s almost over.” If you won’t admit it to me at least admit it to yourselves people. I remember when I was that crappy about the end of the alphabet. Now that I’m there, I’m here to tell you…..well…I still kind of am. (I mean it’s not like Im a W or anything right?) Still, I can now recognize the inherent wrongness of S-Z minimization. Nobody deserves having their minute in the limelight diminished by audible sighs, groans and pointed glances at watches. Fuck you people, sit your numb asses back down and show some love for the real back end of society. I think I am getting a bit tired so I will talk about timism later or tomorrow or something. Thanks for coming by friends!

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14 Responses to Monday Musings

  1. Jay says:

    I’ve never known anyone who developed a personal hatred for a bird like that. I did know a girl once who had a pet bird that was really freaking mean. But, I never really took it personally.

    I’m pretty sure the dog won’t mind if you change his name. In fact, he doesn’t really care at all as long as he still gets fed. That’s pretty much his main focus in life. Figuring out who it is who feeds him most often and becoming that person’s best buddy.

  2. maggiemay says:

    I love you, crse.

    I just had to say that.

  3. Steph says:

    I’ve always loved birds but then again, I haven’t owned a parakeet since I was ten. Have you thought about “accidentally” letting the bird loose? Having an “oh no! I went to clean the cage and the bird got loose! Quick, put the cage and supplies on Craigslist before it comes back.”

    …and I’m with you all the way on alphabetizing. I used to be an “A” and now I’m an “M”. I think when we get married women should get a choice as to whethere we want to adopt our new status in the scheme of alphabetizing or keep our old one.

  4. Jenny Ryan says:

    The same thing happened to me, too. I was a “D” as a single gal, and it was great!

    Then I got married, and now I am an “R”. Not as bad as a “T”, but close. Even I admit to losing interest in anything that goes past, like, “L”.

  5. I’m a “C” and, therefore, a natural alphabetist.

  6. Another Fenderson says:

    Make them listen to “A Boy Named Sue.”

    Enlightenment will commence.

  7. Moe says:

    I am an “F”…got married to a “W” but retained “F”. That was one of the main reasons why I stayed an “F”…who in the hell wants to be a “W”?!

  8. crse says:

    Jay- yeah..the dog name changing thing is a little complex. Other people are involved. It’s not the bird’s personality. I just hate having a bird.
    Maggie May- Awww! I love you too! And have been following the vacation stories! We have some odd life parallels and you still are on my very short list of bloggers I would want to be my drinking buddies.
    Steph-They would see right through that. Cleaning the cage is a huge family involved process as nobody but Gill will go near the bird so he has to lock him in the bathroom. But I appreciate the help. I agree about the alphabetizing prerogative and marriage. If I get a movement going, Ill be in touch. Id like you in on the ground floor.
    Jenny Ryan- I agree completely. Id like to say R was better but seriously? You are an Ry. You might as well be an S.
    Tyler- There is absolutely nothing natural about alphabetism sir. But admitting it is the first step to increasing awareness.
    AF- I know your last name. If you recall, we had the same first last initials. (I can’t remember your middle name but I think I could get it within five tries). Is it denial that you fail to comment on your role in the cycle of oppression? Do you remember how Gill used to insist we name our first born Sue? Id like to think you didn’t influence that with your Johnny Cash lovin’ ways.
    Moe- Exactly! I just realized we would have probably sat next to each other in school sometimes! That would have been awesome…..

  9. lucy says:

    I could have been a C, but I chose to remain an H. And I have to say that I’ve always found the alphabet beginning middlish to be a cozy place. Not too early but solidly before the eye-rolling, groaning, and watch-checking.

    Also, my kids are Cs, and that can be a little too early. This week, we’re the first up for the soccer snack (although, why the kids even need a snack for a 40 minute game is beyond me), and there’s a real pressure in being first. Or…I could use it as an opportunity to set the snack bar very, very low thus relieving other moms of unrealistic snack expectations. But to be a T when moms H-R have ponied up really good snacks like individual containers of Ben and Jerry’s would bite. Clearly, I’m overthinking this.

  10. Bunny says:

    I hear ya on the alphabetizing. I grew up an A – AN A! – and am now a K. Or at least I get categorized as a K. I think I’m an A K (no hyphen, thank you), but “the man” overlooks my A and pegs me as a K. K sucks. Sometimes being an A sucked too (like when you don’t want to go first), but mostly I preferred A to K.

  11. wendylady says:

    I went from an S to a B then back to an S. My girls are B’s which sets me up to be last on all my list but to be one of the first to be called on thiers. What really sucks is that governmental aide puts me last but my kids come first for all school and extra caricular activities. Aww… I long for the days of B. But not the complications of how I got there. But I digress I am much better suited to being an S due to self procrastination issues. So it works both ways.

  12. Canada says:

    I’m a W. I married an S, but seriously? Not that much farther back, so I hyphenated. The worst was at the university where I went to undergrad. In Nova Scotia. Means New Scotland. The M’s were enough to do ANYBODY in!!! MacDonald, MacPherson, Mac, Mac, Mac, then McDonald, McPherson, etc, etc, etc. Insane, I tell you!! That should have had A-L, N-z, and then the M’s!!!!!!

  13. Dexter Colt says:

    I recall my friend had a parakeet. One day the damn thing flew out the window. Never to be seen again…

  14. Bunny says:

    Canada – I grew up in an area populated by Dutch people. Before I moved there, my Ab— last name pretty much guaranteed I was always first. Dutch Aa—- kids all came before me after I moved (Aalderink, Aalberts, and on and on). But the big one, and what your “M” situation reminded me of, was “V” – Van-this, Vander-that, Vel-whatever, etc. The Z kids (Zoerman, Zoet) really hated those damn Vs – because V meant you were only 1/2 way through!!

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