Because it’s been such a long time….
Ok technically bile does not rise in my throat but 13 things that annoy me was so overdone (well at least by me), I thought Id shake it up a bit.
1) Full House– (Which actually inspired this blog). I just sat through 20 minutes of this “sit-pain” while trying to gather some literature for the rescheduled teen lesbian couples counseling session. Generally, the kids programming does not even register in my brain. This show is so hideously unfunny that I really think some sort of extortion had to be involved in allowing this show on television. I feel like I understand the Olsen twins on a whole new level now. If my formative years were documented in such an thorough yet painfully unflattering way, I would have been dead of a heroin overdose YEARS before my 21st birthday.
2) Cold spaghetti– The turnip just walked over asking me to open a tupperware bowl full of cold spaghetti. I pretended that it was old and covered in gross fur so he was afraid to open it. I kind of feel bad that I also inadvertently dragged Norm into the deception and he is now afraid to open the bowl.
3) Financial woes-Nuff said.
4) Kumquats– Yikes. My success in trying new things came to a crashing halt with these sour little bastards.
5) Stupidity– Yeah I know. Because most people like stupidity. What I particularly hate about stupidity is when I spend way more time than necessary trying to communicate something should have never needed communicating in a way that someone who isn’t particularly bright will understand. Especially when the reason Im doing it is because of an action of the not particularly bright person.
6) Being cynical ok I don’t mind being cynical but Im running out of things and I still have seven to go. Still, I will NOT cynically observe that much of my job involves number 5. I will say it USED to involve number 5 but things are going to be different now. I believe.
7) Corporate mistakes Everyone makes mistakes. I am down with that. But when I have to spend an HOUR trying to explain why Im not going to pay the 300 dollar mistake you made on my bill, shouldn’t I be compensated for my time? When Im supreme dictator friends, I promise things will be different…
8) “Turnip press buttons” The bile that rises in my throat is definitely fear motivated on that one.
9) Losing the Remote See number one.
10) What happens to a pool after three weeks of neglect– Oh friends. I won’t go into detail but as I was out there following Madame Fabu’s back alley approach to chemically treating pools last night, the au pair actually used the phrase mosquito larvae. That truly did cause the bile to rise.
Ok I ran out of bad so Im going to end with three things that make me smile.
11) Watching turnip put play-doh in his pocket– He is just so pleased with himself. After spending so much time denying him his desires because of limitations involving physics and/or the legal system, I will gladly (allow gill to) scrape up play-doh from hard to reach places just to see the smile on his face.
12) Norm’s approach to dog care– He is so earnest and responsible. And such a fabulous train wreck to watch. My kids are so awesome.
13) Not having favorites– Because I really do love all my nieces and nephews to pieces. But the idea of my five year old niece being worried about getting lice from her cousin’s pillow has been making me giggle for the past fourteen hours. Seriously, I woke up from sleep giggling. Lucy, promise you won’t ever let me give her my life savings or kids’ college fund or anything just because she’s cute. Because Im afraid if she ever asked, Id be begging her to take it. Im so that kid’s bitch and she knows it.
Ok that’s all I got friends. Happy Almost Friday