You want to play a game kids? Ok fine. Let’s play “protestant funeral”. Ill be the dead body and you be the funeral director. I will lie here quietly and look dead. We will put soft music on the radio and you mumble to each other in soothing tones about how peaceful I look. I am sure I will like this game better than the let’s jump on the bed from the top of mommy’s legs game or the pull mommy’s hair jam coins into her eyes “you mr. krabs” “You pirate” “you princess” “you daddy” game. No takers? Ok how we pretend we are on vacation and you are mommy’s little cabana boys? You bring me drinks and Ill pretend Im getting a suntan.
Other ways my morning was bad:
– Missed the farmer’s market because I was up all night and too tired to drive. Did not get any extra sleep due to above mentioned antics.
– Got yelled at by six year old for calling Gill “bitch”, despite repeated attempts to clarify that I wasn’t calling him “a” bitch, I was calling him “my” bitch, thus negating the insulting implication of the word.
– Got lectured by same six year old for excessive use of toilet paper. Was asked to demonstrate how much toilet paper I generally use and corrected accordingly.
– Got yelled at by three year old for mishandling the handful of imaginary kittens he gave me. I should have drowned the little bastards.
-And the most offensive part of my morning: Gill made me clean for bacon. Complete and utter inhumanity.