…And Justice For All.

I pretty much abandoned the weekend in review part deux. Highlights are blurrier as the week wears on and all I really remember now is being drunk at the turnip’s 3rd birthday party and getting faced by my 75 year old uncle during a volleyball game at the family reunion (oh yeah, we still kicked ass!)

I do, however, have an update about the farmer’s market “mulberrygate”. After much discussion with my constituents today (read: my new vendor friends) it was decided that I should approach the powers that be, no. a power that bes? a power that is? ok fine, one of the guys in charge about the problems I mentioned regarding product safety and quality. He asked detailed questions. Yes I lied and pretended I was alone with the concern. (I couldn’t implicate my new friends. Dont judge me readers until you’ve held this kind of public position (what position is that you ask? um….Friendly Unitarian Woman With Literature? Hey Im a FUWWL!) With great power comes great responsibility. It’s really not about the fear of being cut off from the fountain of free samples and products. It’s about integrity. Or something else noble) He assured me that the issue would be addressed. Mission accomplished. Shiv-ass avoided. For now.

I must report that I paid for my misdealings by spending some time with my non-farmer friend Helen and her husband Lo. Don’t get me wrong, Helen and Lo are a delightful couple. The consequence was all about a lengthy confession and review of my sketchy eating habits and addiction to processed foods. (Here is a hint: if you don’t want to entangle yourself deeper into your web of lies after a backwards ass attempt to make things right in a potential botulism situation at the local farmer’s market? then don’t sit next to vegetarians who eat, shop and live responsibly. And if you are ok with keeping the lie alive? Try to refrain from eating your bag of chili cheese fritos and giant soda from sheetz while they are watching.) Helen told me about a book called “Chocolate on Trial”. Sadly, during the conversation we got hit by a big gust of wind and I had to chase some literature across the plaza so I did not hear how the trial ended. In my mind though, chocolate will always be innocent.

In other news, project big meat pales in comparison to this restaurant in my town Now, Ive never been there but Ive heard tell of this place before friends. If there is such a thing as meat heaven? Im guessing it’s this place. Realistically, I will probably never get my shit together enough to make it to the other side of town by 1215 on a saturday morning but just knowing it’s there makes me happy.


7 Responses to …And Justice For All.

  1. Lucy says:

    Fringe prep is keeping me off FUWWL duty this week, and I’m not as FUWWLY as you anyway. I think he’s called the “market manager,” but I had to, after seeing the term repeatedly, approach the man and ask…”is this you?” Not Shiv-ass material.

    We Unitarians like to keep things all sketchy and disorganized, I’m discovering, which as you and I both know, completely messes with my world view. Thanks for handling the botulism sitch. All lovers of preserves thank you!

    Chocolate has been falsely accused, framed even.

  2. Totally LOL’d at the chocolate trial. Nicely done.

  3. Jay says:

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure chocolate would definitely be acquitted.

  4. Madame Fabu says:

    The author of the chocolate trial would most certainly benefit from a good shivving. This is blasphemy in the truest sense! Long live the crystal shiv!

  5. luckybuzz says:

    You are a freaking genius. So say GB and I. (Waylon probably thinks so too, but he has a somewhat underdeveloped sense of humor.)

  6. rulm says:

    HEY!!!!! You know my chocolate addiction and I say do not read the book or believe anything that comes from it!!!!! I am not even sure i would trust someone who thought chocolate should be on trial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. crseum says:

    Lucy- Oh sistah, Ive got sooo much to tell you. But all is well.
    Tyler- Aww! I like that I can elicit an LOL on such a day
    Jay- Youd never make it past voir dire baby.
    MF- Interestingly, he is a lovely man. And I think he did acquit chocolate. Yet fear not. I cling to the crystal shiv. Sort of…when i can find it.
    LB- Right back atcha and GB. And dammit, I do believe Waylon is laughing on the inside!
    RULM! WELCOME RT! I promise you. Chocolate will always be free in our world. Right up there with grape salad.

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