Dear Southeast U.S.,
It pains me to write you this letter knowing what you’ve been through over the past month or so, but frankly, upon reviewing the events of the last 24 hours, I feel as if you left me no choice.
Throughout history as I remember it, Southeast US and Northern midwest US have maintained a healthy balance. A balance that’s kept our country strong and whole. What balance is this you ask? (I should not be surprised that you act so coy under the circumstances) Well for example:
We- have ice storms.
We- have seasonal affective disorder.
You- lose power from hurricanes.
We- lose power from ice storms.
Same paging it here right?
So let me ask you friend, what the hell was today about? Don’t you pretend you don’t know what Im talking about!
I went without power for 19.5 hours today (and yesterday). 19.5 hours. Because of your stinking hurricane. How many hours of power did you lose because of an ice storm? Eh Texas? Eh Louisiana? Eh Florida? Ummm…was that a NONE?????? EVER?????YEAH I THINK IT WAS! So why do you need to mess with the balance? Don’t think Im not sympathetic to your problems. But here is the thing. My job is to be sympathetic to you during your crisis, and when I don’t have power? I can’t do my job. I ask you friend, where will we be then? Taking away my electricity with your horrible stormy residue hurts us all. Play the tape through, friend. Play the tape through…
If you want our relationship to continue, you must learn to keep your crappy weather to yourself.
Bitterly, a pissed off yankee girl.
Here are some expected and unexpected outcomes of today’s crisis:
– Fruity pebbles crushed up all over my bed.
– Inability to print much needed paperwork.
-Inability to have a normal phone conversation after 1pm (when the phone started to go)
– The turnip asking fifty times when we could turn the lights back on
– The turnip staring blankly at the wall. When asked why, telling me he was pretending to watch tv.
– The realization that if society does collapse, I should probably be killed quickly and painlessly. For everyone’s sake.