So the always inspiring Gretty tagged me for a Tuesday ten “Ten things that make me smile”. She even gave me permission to make it shiv-related due to my recently expressed overwhelming feelings of surliness. But because this is my 500th post friends (!!!!)(yaayyyyy!!!) (go me!!!!!) because this is five days late, and because this tag came from Gretty, who makes me feel grateful all the time, Im going with a very special version of this particular tag. First, Ill share ten things about Gretty that make me smile. Then, ten things in general that make me smile. Then, to quell any rumors that I might be going “soft”, I’ll finish with ten things that make me smile either sardonically or because they elicit shiv-related fantasies.
1. She is ALWAYS right there when you need her. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been quarantined or if it involves a horrible heavy lifting task. She’s there baby.
2. She listens without judgment. Now there are a lot of people who act as if they are listening without judgment? But when it all comes out in the wash? Oh they judge friends. Maybe not to your face? But they judge. Not our Gretty.
3. She has the most loving heart. Animals, children, grown-ups. Gretty is a well of compassion.
4. She remembers things. Things that aren’t important to anyone but you. But because they are important to you, they are important to her.
5. She is loyal. Damn loyal. Loyal to the point that she will hold grudges for you longer than she will hold them for herself. Or you will hold them too.
6. She spends her life in the trenches. She is certified disaster rescue for both people and animals. She volunteers at Angels For Animals, Red Cross, and Im not even sure where else. Which leads us to
7. She is the least self-aggrandazing person Ive ever known. She is involved in all this stuff to better the world and she doesn’t tell anyone. It’s not about the props for Gret.
8. She is a brilliant freaking artist. She did a set of photos of the boys for my last birthday. People are constantly asking who did her work. The woman is an artistic genius.
9. She is brilliantly intelligent. People underestimate this about Gret but I personally only know about two people that rival her intelligence-wise (I sadly am not one of them)
10. She is my friend. And that, my friends, is enough to make anyone smile.
Ok ten general gratitudish smiley things.
1. Litchick. Because she is awesome and Im proud to be her cousin. But also because of this. She nominates me. But mostly because she is awesome.
2. Roxie. She’s making soccer so much more bearable.
3. Luckybuzz is moving home. YAY!!!
4. Gill. For not killing me this weekend. Or any weekend.
5. My babies. Whether it’s Norm making me a cup of hot tea in a drinking glass or Turnip telling us he is getting “big and big and big”, those boys own me.
6. MST3k. We have the entire collection borrowed from someone gill works with. It’s like having treats.
7. Twitters from the au pair. Make me miss him less.
8. Madame Fabu. My sistah from another mistah.
9. My dad. Im such a crappy daughter. My dad rocks.
10. Sarah Palin. Seriously, she is inspiring me to try new things despite my fear that my work might not be good enough. Because if Ive learned anything from her emergence on the political scene it’s that America doesn’t care that much about quality.
Finally, the shiv-worthy ten.
1. The non-Roxie soccer moms. Hey ladies! Thanks for never making eye contact the entire season! You ungrateful bitches. No matter how great your treats are? You still suck.
2. People who say things like “I don’t have time for someone else’s drama” in regards to a close friend going through something. (Especially when said person is CONTRIBUTING TO THE DRAMA WHICH DOESN”T EVEN CONCERN THEM!) You know what that says to me? It says you are a self absorbed gossip who has no problem judging other people but are so filled with self-loathing that you are incapable of compassion towards others. This leads me to number three:
3. People who talk shit about
other people my friends and don’t think it’s going to come back and bite them in the ass. I am the wrath that will rain down upon your heads for eternity. Or until you say sorry. And mean it. Jerk. (who unfortunately doesn’t usually read my blog)
4. People who wait to hear my opinions before sharing
his their own. Newsflash brainiac. Everyone knows you do this. So when you wait until I share my opinions before expressing your opinions about everything from your feelings about the election to your thoughts about the bailout, then condescendingly act like Im agreeing with you instead of the other way around? Well, we are all pointing and laughing. This leads me to my next point.
5. People who try to rewrite history to make their opinions match current popular opinions. This doesn’t make me want to shiv. Just mock. For example, my dad is the only person I know who admits that he voted for Nixon. Yet the guy won the popular vote. Of course, soon after voting for him, my dad realized it was a mistake and he was wrong. But he still admitted it. I love this about my dad.
6. Rude little kids. Ok that’s easy because who really doesn’t want to shiv rude little kids right?
7. Gill repeatedly blaming me for his headache right now. I would stick a shiv in him this very instant if we didn’t have a mutual dependence and fear of being left alone with the needy little hyenas (otherwise known as our blessed off-spring).
ok I know I have more of these but dammit I need to post so stay tuned for the last four ok?