Stage Fright- Live Blog From The Stage

Here we are again friends, live from The Stage! Our lovely Ms. Brooke is again hosting at the mike. She is wearing a stunning RDJ creation as Cleopatra. Im hoping someone takes a picture as she is truly a vision.

And our first act is: Night of the Living Dead: Remind me to tell you more about this later. It’s a cutting from the show. Im a little skeert already.  It’s some screaming and beating and dying. Oh now a zombie killer on board. And he is beatring zombies. But there are other zombies. And more even. Dammit Gretty would be all over this shit in terms of how not zombie proof this chick’s house is. It went dark. I almost peed.

Now  our queen is debating with a woman in the audience about the lack of empowerment involving the female lead in relation to the zombies. Oh how about that? Our debater is miss Shay. She happens to be the next performer.

Shay is playing a bass guitar on stage. And her first song is the “hierarchy of unintentional homicide” and it’s a love song she says! Her bass’s name is Bertha. She is telling the audience that we fall somewhere between a her mom and a concrete wall. She is clear in the song that she’d squish the hell out of a homeless guy to save her mom as well. Frankly Shay, I am curious. Where do we stand in this hierarchy in terms of the homeless man? Her next song is about a boy. The beat is really funky so I missed the lyrics. She got herself a little encore here! It’s “Every little thing she does is magic” She offered to let us sing along but folks are not taking her up. I think it’s the venue. And the awesomeness of the bass. Singing along to a bass can be intimidating friends. And Shay is done….

Next we have our old friend Rebecca from last month. She is doing stand-up. You knows we love ourselves some stand-up. I am hoping my friend Crystal is taping this. It’s too funny to type. (Edited to add: as soon as Crystal sends her link, we will hook it on up!)

Our next performers the lovely Natalia and Emma who are dancers from the nutcracker. Dare I wish for interpretative dance? Ohhhh it’s scary dancers! Whooooo! Hugging ourselves hugging ourselves spin on the floor spin on the floor. It’s kind of hard to live-blog interpretative dance but it’s certainly lovely to watch. Natalia has amazing hair that totally enhances the performance. (Emma appears to have lovely hair too but she ties it back.) I think these are the girls from rock and roll jesus from the spring. Did I mention Im going to see the nutcracker this year? Rest assured I am already prepared to annoy all of my audience neighbors by mentioning that I know them every time they are on stage. Im fun like that at performances.

Ok I took a little break because I have enough battery to move over.Also I suddenly realized I have been lauging rather inappropriately loudly at Her Majesty’s jokes in between acts. I could blame the mango rum in the gatorade bottle friends? But Brooke is pretty damn funny.

Miss Kerri is up! And she is looking stunning this evening in a little black number. And jeans. Her first poem is called Tigerlilly. It appears to be sort of sexy but I missed it. Next “Vermillion and faults.” An Ex boyfriend poem. Wow it’s hot poem night from Kerri. “For Peta Beaulong or For Band Boys.” Buying a drink for a boy turns into getting felt up. Line of the night “Ill bet you have the johnny cash of cocks.”  Final poem :”The hours”. Holy shit. Kerri has some seriously sexy poems tonight. No cake but it’s ok. I have the rum.

Now Dennick is going to sing!!!! YAY!!! Ok give me a minute. You know he makes me weepy. Ok this is a number from Goodnight Saigon. It’s not a weepy piece but do you folks know what pure theater this man is? He EMBODIES theater. It’s AMAZING.

Do you folks remember elecpencil who I sent you to a few days back? Well in case you forgot. He mentions a kid who never saw crayons. I can’t believe this is true. I really have to pee now. OK trickle down economics? Jim says “I know a Golden shower” when i see it. Now Cleopatra is sitting behind me whispering things like “also write the ‘numbskulls’ part”. Except I was thinking about something different so I don’t know why he said numbskulls. But the rum is gone friends. He discusses Swiftboating Mother Theresa. Here is a poem about Swiftboating God. You might be going to hell friend? But at least you are making us giggle. Man do I have to pee. And I need a beverage. I hope I can address this soon. IM SO SORRY JIM but I really have to pee.

Now we have my friend Ric from Book Club and Matt Liller who is actually married to my new friend Terri. These are the rock and roll jesus guys from the spring. It’s a little skit tonight. Economic Meltdown humor. Now who doesn’t love some econ collapse humor?  Here are some of my favorite lines of the skit “What’s the largest sea mammal you’ve ever fellated?” “Hey it’s not easy for me either. That’s a lot of lips on my dick!” Hey it’s a fisting joke! Timely friends. Very timely. Right now the question is, will ric perform fellatio for the sake of theater? The answer is……no. They do end with a public disclaimer that they do not recommend trying the sexual position “two scoops of raisins” unless you are in top physical condition.
Here is their website. This is funny shit friends!

Her majesty just requested a google. I was not paying attention enough to the context of the conversation but I did google gerome the gnome. And it’s spelled with a G.

Next, it’s the guy who followed me into the bathroom earlier who is dressed sort of like a burglar. In his defense, he thought it was unisex. In my defense, I invited him to stay. Not in a creepy way mind you. Now he’s throwing candy into the audience. He is having some technical difficulty. That hurts our ears. Ahhh his name is rocco.  A little Cole Porter with sound effects. It’s like techno Cole Porter. Friends, pregaming with mango rum and techno cole porter do NOT mix. It’s kind of like having auditory spins. It was INTENSE. But good! Rocco you can sing for me in the bathroom anytime. Or on stage too.

Chazz is next. Chazz is a day walker. Who plays guitar. He may or may not have been a zombie. Ohhh it’s a contest! Do we recognize the covers? Hell I can’t even recognize my own shoes. His first song is “Footsteps”. Man do I have to pee again. This sucks. Why do I always upsize my damn diet coke? He didn’t introduce the next song. It sounds cover-ish but I could be wrong. Chazz sounds kind of a capella-y even though he has a microphone. I need to move to the other side next time because I can’t hear so good from this side. This happened last time with the fabulous Rick of the yellow pants. Next is “counting the stars.” Im guessing original. And now for the last song. Perhaps a cover? Don’t recognize it. Oh but the chorus is “did you forget to take your meds?” How much do love that for a chorus?

Don C. is up now. Don is doing quite well in local competitions and is currently involved in a college production of “For Whom The Southern Belle Tolls” (A Christopher Durang play). He is singing his Oakland song now. He suggested that he might get streaked tonight. Now Im totally afraid to pee.  Ohhh it’s about Batboy the musical too! You folks know our very own Dennick directed that musical! Go Don for giving Dennick his props! Edited to add after the fact: As I was lunching at the local A & W with the fabulous Dennick the afternoon (Don’t know A & W? Think Spago’s. Ok are you done thinking that? Ok now think poorly made fast food with a focus on hot dogs and rootbeer floats, which is actually what A & W is. Go ahead and think Spago’s again now. Thank you.) I shared that Don C. was none too pleased with my blog last time. I was particularly bothered by this because I thought I was very kind. I do want to continue to be kind in my reviews but the conversation that we had at lunch compels me to mention my very first criticism during the live blog “review”. Why? Because Don has gotten this feedback before and has ignored it. Also because this is easily fixable and Dennick has offered to help him fix this. When Don sings? He often simply plays a CD and sings along with the singer he is covering. He needs to stop doing this for several reasons. 1) It’s totally annoying when he does this. 2) His success in the local contests indicates that his voice is strong enough that he does not need the recorded voice as a crutch. 3.) I’ve heard him sing without any accompaniment and he pulls it off well also indicating he doesn’t need that voice 4) If I don’t mention this here in a place with a very small readership and he keeps doing this? Another much less kind reviewer will probably mention it later and that might really hurt his feelings. Ok, Ive done my duty and can move on. (I did miss Don’s second song tonight because I had to pee AGAIN).

So Im back for the Really Big Guy from my church. He is reading poems about ww2. Now Im under her majesty’s orders to be nice, but I know this man fairly well. RBG often chooses bluntness over kindness/politeness/making sure he knows what he is talking about so Im assuming he will appreciate my honesty. So when I say “don’t read every single line as if you are describing the most grotesque scene imaginable because your delivery sounds a lot like verbal vomiting?”, I know he will respect the fact that I am being blunt. Needless to say, I lost interest after the first three lines and started to eat my candy. I just had to gnaw my whoppers open with my teeth. Did I mention that the Oakland had a nice bowl of candy? It’s pretty picked over right now but Im thinking of going back if RBG doesn’t end this migraine inducing travesty soon. (Does this seem harsh? All I have to say is that I spent approximately seven hours with RBG over the past week and during the course of that time, despite the fact that at least four of these hours involved structured activities that prohibited conversation, and I didn’t interact with him for much of the time, I overheard him say about six insulting things under the guise of “bluntness”.)

Dr Ray’s Amazing Sideshow of Science ended the show. Ms. Susie is next to him. These are my friends Susie from church and Ray from Bookclub. Sadly, they just lost a friend. This friend was Dr. Ray’s partner in the sideshow. They are doing a tribute to him right now. It’s very sweet and sad. And the most strange and beautiful tribute involving talk of physics and beds of nails. I didn’t know this man well but my heart is breaking for my friends right now.

Ms. Brooke ends the show with a beautifully tear-jerking reflection. Several of us are openly weeping now. (or is that just me weeping all over the front row?) I hate you Cleopatra! You made me feel!!!

Stay tuned for another live-blog from the stage (if I don’t get shut down) on November 20th. Also? For those in town: Audience members in costume will receive a $5 discount for shows on October 31 and November 1. Ticket prices are $15 for adults, $10 for students, and $12 for seniors. The Oakland accepts cash or checks only. Reservations can be made by calling 330.746.0404 and leaving a message.

For more information, visit myspace.com/oaklandcenter.

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4 Responses to Stage Fright- Live Blog From The Stage

  1. lucy says:

    I thought the same thing about the “meds” chorus. Chris told me the song (it’s a cover) but I forgot it already. Thanks for the link to Ric and Matt’s site, I needed to see Rock n Roll Jesus again.

  2. gillsmoke says:

    WOW! Maybe pregaming is a bad idea? If you think of like a job it definitely would be, CRSE in intrepid reporter getting the scoop in spite of the pint of liquor in her purse. Then again maybe the scent of Mango rum puts your interviewees at ease, “Could you tell your views on fisting, because frankly I think it really hurts.” can only be asked by drunk CRSE.

  3. John says:

    You need help! ha ha ha

  4. Lars the protector says:

    Hey there!! love your blogg
    its “lars” , I wanted to do your town’s Open Mic but I was
    MCing an open Mic in AKron the same night, ( not a regular gig)

    Have to find some haunts and forums in your area to strut my stuff
    to comedy lovers. And of course some places to go to see the local
    wildlife for more material on my off nights, or just amusement.

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