The Morning After

So Im starting to think I might lean towards the pessimistic. I mean last night was amazing. For the first time in a long time, it really felt like we finally had something to be proud of as a nation. I mean this is history people. History! It’s so exciting to be part of that history.

Still, I woke up this morning to pumpkin seeds scattered all over my floor Norm standing over me telling me the dog had somehow managed to get on top the stove and drag last night’s chicken down and it was all over the floor. And that’s when I saw the pumpkin seeds. We are officially tardy for the first time this year. My data for a report makes absolutely no sense and I have no idea how to explain this “anomaly” to the psychologist. At all. Ive gotten fret calls from moms. I have two solid days of facing yuckiness. No three. I forgot Im meeting a new person on friday. Here is all that I want to know friends. Where’s my Change? All I can say is gasoline better be free out there. And “Yes you can” clean my house please.

How’s that for reframing in the positive? Ok well how about this? In an unprecedented landslide, Maxine Factor swept the Crseum. With a 64% to 36% lead. (Im sorry Sy, your vote didn’t make a whole percentage point. Maybe next time.) She is more than thrilled and Im sure she will have some fantastic words of acceptance today. (Although she did text me yesterday to tell me she was completely upset not to see her name on the tv. She doesn’t blame you of course). Stay tuned for more Maxine Factor in the future.


5 Responses to The Morning After

  1. lucy says:

    You know I’m having a hard time with the whole “”this morning” image you’ve loaded me up with here…pumpkin seeds, chicken, dog on stove! Deep breath.

    I love you. Just as you are.

    Super congrats to Maxine!

  2. Jay says:

    I’m responding to your previous post up here on this one because … well I dunno, this is the most recent post I guess. Anyway, what’s this with people giving out free shit at the polls up there? Nothing cool like that happens here. We just had little old ladies wearing shirts with Jesus on the front of them telling us to please vote to stop those gays from adopting.

    That’s not nearly as cool as pens and notepads.

    Does anyone ever up the ante a bit and go with donuts and coffee? Cause I would think that would get out the vote big time!

  3. Moe says:

    I voted way early and I got all kinds of stuff (candy, nail files, pens, magnets) so early voting will get you the goods too! Tina said that there was a HUGE cookie table at her polling place though!

  4. Pascal Ebert says:

    As for pumpkin seeds, I think I’ve broken some unwritten law. I’ve certainly dishonored my family home and have laid decorum asunder.

    “What just happened in there?” she asked. “Do you have that missing cat – the one from the fliers on the phone poles? Or a skunk?”

    My daughter can be more charming. She can be less charming too.

    “No, my precious,” I assured her. “That was all me, well, me and the handful of pumpkin seeds that I ate last night.”

    “You’re a disgusting, vile pig – you know that?”

    Again with the charm.

    What I chose to withhold from her was that, one day, she would either become or marry someone exactly like the vile pig that stood before her.

    Instead I opened my arms, smiled as I do, and said, “Behold. Your future.”

    She’ll figure it out eventually.

    In the meantime – pumpkin seeds may not be the best idea for me. I know that now.

  5. crseum says:

    Lucy- I know sweetie. My world is fun to visit sometimes but you just wouldn’t want to live there. I feel ya.
    Jay-Well they usually don’t have free donuts but often they have bake sales, which can make any wait go much faster. So Im wondering, do you have cookie tables at weddings in your parts? Because maybe all of our shenanigans are local.
    Moe-All that at our board of elections? Did you go on the first day? Im definitely going to vote with Tina next year. And they better not skimp just because it’s an off year either. T, are you reading this? We’ll have a couple of drinks before we go. If they try to short us, we rumble.
    M. Pascal- Ahhh the memories you create for her. I could tell you that I am a living example of your prophecy as I just this morning tried to convince the turnip that my butt was telling him good morning if he just put his head close and listened. Then again, my dad never took it that far. I like to think I take his parenting legacy one step further…..

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