A Crse Of The People

I can ignore my (two) fans no longer, so in lieu of the horribly late crsees, I will offer you some random shit until I can get a double crsee feature together (oh and I do have some really good ones saved up friends…)

Warning: Body elimination issues ahead:

– The foster dog is gone. I haven’t given many details about how the foster dog has been disrupting our world because we love the foster dog’s mom and although Im fairly certain she doesn’t read the blog, she has the address and I don’t want to make her cry. But yeah, it sucked. He peed a lot of places. Like on laundry. And in bins of toys. And on coats. He ate chickens off the stove. He stood on the end tables so he could look out the window. He ass-raped George. (note to luckybuzz and the wimmin: Seriously? Who knew that this particular disclosure was going to stop conversation like it did?) In short, we are starting to live again.

– Turnip unfortunately appears to feel the need to compensate for the lack of randomly placed waste elimination today. He started the morning by standing naked in the middle of the kitchen and peeing under the table. I want to describe the scene as it unfolded but it really defies verbal descriptions. I was naively positive about the outcome of this event a) because turnip was really disturbed about the fact that he did this (as opposed to his general “ill pee where i want when i want motherfuckers” attitude) and b) because gill bought a gallon of sanitizer and left it in a conveniently located place allowing for ease of mind in clean up process. (can we get a whoop whoop for gill here? especially since im going to make politely ask him to mop the kitchen over again tonight?)

– Why was it naive? Because a few hours later, the boys (yes Norm is home. Again. He was coughing up lungs last night and this am.) were in the tub and Norm got out to poop. He called me to tell me he didn’t know what to do because his hands were wet and he couldn’t wipe (He gets those problem solving skills from me…hehehe). As I was helping him dry his hands, Turnip tells me that he pooped and is soaking wet too. (Did I mention he was in the tub?) Now friends, I don’t know what possesses me to do this sort of thing but I actually stood there and argued with him for at least a minute. noooo you didn’t poop! You’re just pretending right? “Nope, me pooped mom” No you didn’t buddy, you just heard your brother say that right? “Nope mom, me did it meself”. When did you do this buddy? A while ago? Maybe another time? “Nope me just did it. see?” (question to other parents: are all three year olds this comfortable with handling their own feces? Im just wondering if we might have an issue on our hands) (no pun intended).

So friends, it is the end of the month. I have reports due and a Very. Ugly. Meeting. tomorrow at 1pm so I am going to wade through some metaphorical shit now but promise good things (and to get to my own comments and your blogs) soon….

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9 Responses to A Crse Of The People

  1. lucy says:

    Neither of my kids were into poop-handling quite so much as the Turnip, but according to my mom, I was known to carry around a dropping from time to time, and look at how I turned out! You are either very reassured or very frightened at this point. And fun with pee, I believe, is a boy thing. It is, after all, like having an attached squirt gun or something, isn’t it?

  2. Georgie B says:

    Boy, you can vent with the best of them.

    Remind me to never, ever, ever get on your bad side.

  3. luckybuzz says:

    Dev is right. You really are the most entertaining writer we know.

  4. gillsmoke says:

    Alas I have read tooo late to notice the “honey do” item. The sanitizer elevated our bathroom from a smelly public toilet to an almost respectable private place of comfort. A three year old peeing on his own needs the support of a good scented cleanser.

  5. Dexter Colt says:

    Does that count as anal retentive behavior? WWSD? [Sigmund]

  6. Sega says:

    You have made my morning!

  7. Bunny says:

    Finally, something my Girl and your Turnip differ on! Girl wouldn’t willingly handle her own feces if her life depended on it. She will, unlike her brother, wipe her own bottom after pooping in the toilet, but if she accidentally gets some on her hand you’d would think she had been bitten by one of our “they’re everygoddamnwhere” black widow spiders and was on the brink of death.

  8. Barbara says:

    I had the kid who always “No” to the Do you have to go? question and then left presents in his pants. I never thought he would get the toilet thing down. Thankfully at 22, he’s a big boy now and thankfully, he’ll never read this comment LOL.

    Thank you for posting – my entertainment options have been limited of late!

  9. litchick2066 says:

    At least he’s not hiding it in a lunchbox like you know who (then I’d be worried). I still have high hopes for the lad; a little anal retentiveness is good–just look at me.

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