Dusting Out The Cobwebs

Ok friends. I can spend the next paragraph making lame excuses about where I’ve been but we are better than that, aren’t we? Truth be told, I didn’t have writer’s block, I haven’t been horribly busy and nothing is so bitterly wrong that I can’t bring myself to write. Well, at least since Christmas, anyway. I did get a new MP3 player and some books I really wanted…..chuzzle has been keeping me kind of busy….maybe I should stick with lame excuses…

New Year’s Resolutions? Why yes I do have them. For the record, I decided that I wasn’t going to work on them until today. Because realistically? Who starts working on themselves on a Thursday right? If ever there’s a day I stop trying friends? it is Thursday. Here they are:

1. Wear slippers more frequently. I got a pair from my friend Shakes in the work gift exchange and also ended up with a pair of pink furry mules over Christmas week. My feet get cold. It’s clearly a sign.
2. Stop being sucked into every “as seen on tv” ad. I didn’t come up with this one until yesterday. A commercial for blendy-pens came on and Norm snorted. “Remember what a rip-off those were mom?” Ouch. “Just like the snuggies” he added. I said ouch sir! Ah but he is right. So despite the fact that Gill is mesmerized by the Big City Slider Station and we both are convinced that the Shamwow* would change our lives forever,* I resolve to keep Gill’s credit card numbers in my pants. At least until February. Or until I see something I’m sure will better our family as a whole (you know, like those bags that keep your food fresh for a miraculously long time?)
3. Listen to reason. As I was sharing this last resolution with Gill, we discussed the relative merits of the snuggies. I told him that I’d really like an electric blanket. “Absolutely not,” he declared adamantly. “Someone who surrounds herself with as many beverages as you do cannot afford to be as clumsy as you are around an electric blanket.” But I’ll be really careful! “Or you’ll be dead within the week”. Touche Gill. Touche.

I’ve got other ones, including (but not limited to) using apostrophes more consistently, releasing myself from the bitch servitude of my three year old, and improving my television viewing options both by broadening my scope of preferred shows and by using the DVR more efficiently. You will note I am not resolving to blog more. I don’t want to pressure myself too much, but I do hope that happens anyway. How realistic are these goals? I guess we will have to wait and see. Happy New Year either way, gentle readers.

*Shamwow awkward moment of Christmas Our friend Dennick was relating a story to Gill and me about gift disappointment when he used this metaphor: “So I expected to get something really personal and ended up with a Shamwow”. Apparently, our faces must have registered our belief that the Shamwow would be the ultimate gift, because Dennick got a pained awkward look on his face, like we both farted at once. Or told him we were swingers with a penchant for elderly flabby people. He backed away from the simile tactfully. “Ok maybe not like a shamwow”. I immediately recognized our faux pas, and told him I knew exactly what he meant. Gill, however, being the socially astute people reader that he is, was not deterred and launched into a detailed defense of the shamwow. I tried to counter his tribute with a half-hearted “I’m sure it’s not as good as they say it is” but I didn’t even believe myself. I guess it showed because Dennick left soon afterward.


13 Responses to Dusting Out The Cobwebs

  1. Jesse says:

    Wait a minute, you bought not only Snuggies but also shamwows!?

    Snuggies are those blankets with sleeves right? So an oversized backwards robe you can’t cinch up?

    My biggest issue with the shamwow (besides the fact its not a paper towel I can blow my nose on) is the guy who sells them on the TV. He is among the most annoying people I have ever had to watch on TV. I don’t think I would by anything from him even if I was paid to do so.

  2. litchick2066 says:

    I’m glad you listened to your husband about the electric blanket. That’s one less weird but tragic relative story I’ll have to tell–thank you.

  3. jennfactor says:

    I bought those bags AND the pancake puff pan (LIttle O asked for it!). But I wait until they show up at Target. I can’t bring mysealf to pay the shipping and handling on stuff I know is probably crap.

  4. Dennick says:

    How about a SNUGGIE made from the ultra absorbent space age SHAMWOW material? I am a friggin genius.

  5. lucy says:

    You missed a whole death to the shamwow guy fantasy thread that got started on facebook last week. It ended with him conducting an experiment combining oxi-clean and whatever his orange cleaning stuff is, trying to wipe it up with a Shamwow, and exploding himself.

    Glad you’re back. I was getting very lonely for the uniquely Crse brand of humor that gets me through my life.

  6. Dennick says:

    In another SHAMWOW related story, last week Buff’s dog had an accident in her bedroom. For a moment Buff wished she owned the SHAMWOW. Then I asked if she REALLY wanted to be wringing pet urine out of some bizarre towel/sponge. She admitted that she would probably toss it.

  7. bunny says:

    LOL @ the Shamwow incident! I have it – not as great as advertised, as I have indeed wrung pet urine out of it as Dennick notes. Not pretty, even with rubber gloves (hello latex allergy!)

    I have the Debbie Downer Stay Fresh Bags or whatever they are called. So far so good, actually. I got them in them in my Christmas stocking. Santa’s been to the As Seen on TV store, apparently.

  8. Georgie B says:

    Welcome back to the land of the flakes.

    You were missed….well maybe just a little bit.

  9. Dexter Colt says:

    Hey, I was pretty fucking disappointed no one got me ShamWows for Christmas.

  10. luckybuzz says:

    Ha–we were just over at Skycat and the Yogini’s, listening to the Yogini wax rhapsodic about how the Shamwow has changed her life. She even went out to the truck to bring in the Shamwows to show us. You should talk to her. 🙂

  11. buff3 says:

    If you get the “slider” maker I am coming over for small burger night. I would offer to bring the buns, but unfortunately they didn’t invent a small bun maker and I don’t know where to buy them. I am still waiting on the chocolate-off, FYI.

  12. brooxie says:

    oh man, shamWOW! it sells itself! i love that infomercial and feel the way of the crseums about it being the ultimate gift.

    for xmas, my beau got me a pedipaws. now that is love.

  13. crseum says:

    Jesse- No…we didn’t get the shamwow. The shamwow is still a dream. I did hear it on twitter that the shamwow guy is a douche in real life. And if it’s on twitter, it must be true.
    Litchick- Yeah, I don’t like to think of myself as being chlorinated out of our gene pool.
    Jen- How did they work out? And we did covet the pancake puff maker too just so you know baby.
    Dennick- You are indeed a genius. Unfortunately, the snugwow may only appear to my particular demographic, which Im guessing is kind of small. Also? I do have to wonder if Buff would have been so ruthless about the shamwow if it was right in front of her….
    Lucy- I did miss this! And you know I love making you laugh baby!
    Bunny- Santa vouches for them you say? Hmmmm….
    Georgie B- AWWW thanks! I think…
    Dexter Colt- Seriously, that seemed like a no-brainer. They weren’t going to buy any of the shit you wanted anyway. Why not shamwow? I mean I can see them not going for a snuggie because sending you south with a snuggie seems kind of pointless which again begs the question why not shamwow? Sigh. There’s always next year…
    Luckybuzz-You actually single-handedly with that one story talked me right back into the shamwow. You know how we love the Yogini. If she endorses the shamwow, then we are sold.
    Buff3- You bring up an excellent point about the bun problem. I can’t abide by incongruity in my burger/bun relationships. As far as the chocolate-off, I have 10 lbs of chocolate ready and waiting.
    Brooxie- Seriously buddy, you don’t know the Yogini? But that endorsement is rock solid so just drop a little hint for valentine’s day and Im sure your mister won’t miss that cue. Pedipaws. That’s awesome.

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