Keepin’ It Real Here At The Crseum

So I had the realization yesterday that my attempt to get away from random dashes has slowed my blogging way down. And after that, I had the realization that it’s my damn blog! What’s wrong with random dashes anyway? You people don’t need paragraphs to keep you happy right? I didn’t think so. All right then. Let’s just put this whole experiment behind us and move on. No blame no shame.

– I’m happy to report that we may have successfully retrained the Turnip to sleep through the night. I’m not offering details of our methods publicly but I will say that they are…..legal. Right now, I’m trying to keep him awake until at least 8pm. I feel kind of bad but also kind of tempted to engage in some brainwashing. Nothing evil of course, just a few repetitions of “I like to listen to my Mommy” or “I like to do what Mommy tells me to do.” Maybe flash some pictures of him getting buckled in his car seat smiling as opposed to throwing punches and requiring significant physical restraint. Of course, much like the Sasquatch or the Yedi, there have been few sitings of this particular phenomenon and none captured on film.

– I saw the short overweight obnoxious guy with the large man-boobs from last summer’s soccer clinic tonight at Norm’s dance class. Gentle readers will be happy to hear that I controlled my impulse to kick him in his soft fleshy parts. I would like to pretend I did so because I am a mature adult. In truth, I simply couldn’t bear the idea of an impotent tennis shoe kick when I was so close to so many kids in tap shoes. Had I been wearing tap shoes myself? Id have contused his ass. (Or some part of him anyway).

– I went to the doctor today. The good news is that I lost two pounds since April (I know it’s not much but considering my personal habits, it’s cause to marvel) The bad news is that I may be shrinking. I don’t know how such a thing could happen to a cheese-lover like myself but friends, I am alarmed. Still, Im probably ok with the possibility that the two pounds came off my height.

Ok I have to go “play guys” with the turnip. Long Live the Random Dash!

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3 Responses to Keepin’ It Real Here At The Crseum

  1. lucy says:

    Was this the guy who kept tallking about his “boys?” Yeah, then, tap shoes.

    Ok, now I’m concerned about this shrinking thing. How can the doctor tell? How do we prevent it? Cuz let me tell you, I’m pretty bad about the dairy. Think coffee creamer and chili con. That’s about it.

    I don’t require paragraphs…just your love to keep me warm.

  2. Jay says:

    I keep hoping that I’ll grow about 4 more inches. I mean be taller! Anyway, now that I’m almost 41 I’m starting to think it isn’t going to happen. But, I’m not giving up yet.

  3. Dexter Colt says:

    We need to cure shrinking! Screw the other diseases. Fund shrink research.

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