Do This. Because I Said So.

March 5, 2009

Ah friends. These absences aren’t good for us. It’s not you, it’s me. And Vampire Wars. And car wrecks and illnesses and audits (oh my). Life keeps happening before I get a chance to check in…there’s so much I have to tell you…but today I’m here with a purpose (because I’d actually planned on being here two Fridays ago with a purpose but friends, I can’t drink like I used to. Well…I can, but the aftermath…and then the car wreck and the illness…but I digress). If you live in my region and you are looking for something to do this weekend, go see “Bug” at the Oakland.
“Why should I?” You might be asking. (Damn! You’ve gotten lippy haven’t you?…) Well friends, not only does “Bug” have blood and guts and craziness and violence? but there’s nudity! LIVE NUDITY! Plus, it’s really really good.
I don’t want to give too much away so I’m cutting and pasting the press release: “Set in a seedy hotel room, this thriller centers on the blossoming relationship between Agnes, a divorced waitress, and Peter, a soft spoken Gulf War drifter. Agnes stays at a hotel in hopes of avoiding her physically abusive ex-husband, Jerry, who was just released from prison. On top of that, there’s a hidden bug infestation problem that has both Agnes and Peter dealing with scathing welts and festering sores. Their fears soon escalate to paranoia, conspiracy theories, and twisted psychological motives.”

Now friends, there was a movie with Ashley Judd and Harry Connick Jr. but don’t hold that movie against the play because this play is brilliant. Allow me to elaborate. First, When you hear the name Agnes, it doesn’t generally bring a vision of porn star hot to your mind right? Well this Agnes is different. She is way hot and yeah you get to see her nudie parts but all hot nudiness aside? Aggie is the kind of character you can’t forget. The part is played by hot (sometimes naked) Terri Labedz and she is FREAKING STELLAR. She takes Ashley Judd’s cookie cutter performance and makes it so much more complex and fascinating. The whole time she is on stage, she makes this play her bitch.

Now the entire first scene is Terri by herself, so I was a bit dubious about Ron Aulet’s Peter being able to hold his own with her, but friends, he did. He first comes across as a timid puppy but as he and Aggie grow closer, he begins to communicate his studied but growing paranoia in a way that expresses a surprising inner fierceness. And let’s not forget Jerry (played by Oakland favorite Ric Panning), who captures every nuance of the abusive ex. He is deliciously creepy and sociopathic while almost unknowingly revealing an intensity of feeling towards Aggie that makes the audience understand why her non-verbals reflect her ambivalence even as she expresses such firm hatred towards him.

Did I mention my friend Dennick directed the play? I remember during one of our first conversations Dennick described good drama as building the audience tension slowly, while breaking it up with bits of comedy or even normalcy. He talked about how this process will make that big dramatic punch so much more powerful. And that’s what he did with this play friends. He toys with you until the very end. And it’s brilliant.

If you go? Make sure you ooh and ahhh over the set as a great deal of work went into achieving that special brand of cheapness we all come to expect in our low rent motel rooms. Also, keep your eyes open for my all-time favorite disturbing character actor. (who also happens to be my brother!) Jim Canacci offers an admirably unsettling portrayal of Peter’s doctor thus adding to the play’s ongoing mind-game with the audience. Finally, don’t be surprised if you have a bad case of the heebie jeebies soon after intermission. I pretty much found myself scratching for the entire second half of the play.

More press release details:

The show runs tonight (Thursday the 5th) tomorrow and Saturday at 8:00 pm. Tickets are $15 for adults, $12 for seniors 55 years and over, and $10 for students with valid ID. Group rates are also available for parties of 10 or more.

For reservations, please contact 330-746-0404. For additional information, cast photos, blogs and more, visit Also check for special discounts.

Ok friends, I slept for exactly one hour last night so I’m going to try to sneak a nap in before alarms go off. I promise I will be more faithful. I’ve wanted to tell you about my disturbing dreams lately. Watching forensics shows and falling asleep to C-SPAN is starting to take its toll on my psyche (not to mention how alarming it is to wake up to a screaming Parliament. Who knew that Parliament was England’s answer to WWF?)


Because it’s still Monday somewhere. I think.

January 13, 2009

Ah friends, it’s not you. It’s me. I think I have something chronic that sucks all my energy away. I mean besides the Turnip. Anyway, the gloriously revered Madame Fabu bestowed a tremendous favor upon me yesterday (saving me at least two hours and sizable grief and anxiety out of my day) so I promised I’d blog for her pleasure.

Speaking of the turnip. Project normal sleep pattern is a colossal FAIL. I was lying to myself and saying it was just the weekend that threw him off until he woke me up at 1am today by poking me with the laser tag gun saying “You took my teddy, Now me goings shoot you.” and laughing maniacally.

I confess I did not watch the Golden Globes. I don’t usually watch those shows (except for the Oscars which is more about socializing with my cousin litchick and our friends Sherman and Ray. Sherm, if you are reading this, I’m still committed to our Oscar musical number involving Winnie the Pooh characters on ice. I think we are onto something groundbreaking with it…). However, the post-Golden Globe buzz on twitter (ok pretty much since i only follow a handful of people, the buzz consisted of twitters from my cyber-stalkee Trelvix and my beloved Lucy) indicated that Mickey Rourke was not the hip happenin’ comeback kid that the IMDB has been implying as of late (I think Trelvix best captured the essence of what’s become of the man with “I took a crap and Mickey Rourke was in it. I wrote the part for Nicolas Cage but we could never agree on a believable toupée for the turd.” and “This probably won’t come up but – just in case – my safe word for today is “Mangina O’Rourke”)

Friends, I’m embarrassed to admit this but The Crseum is nothing if not about full disclosure (when I feel like disclosing that is). I had a horrible crush on Mickey Rourke back in the day. “But Crse! He’s hideous!” you are probably exclaiming right now. True dat, gentle readers, and for those of you younger folks, don’t bother google imaging him. He’s always been hideous. But by unfortunate chance, I happened to become sexually aware about the time the movie “9 1/2 weeks” came out. I won’t go into graphic details about how the movie played into my first disturbing forays into sexual experimentation (in the context of a relationship that should have probably ended with me pressing charges but that’s neither here nor there) but I will say this; I thought the movie was so hot at the time that the male lead could have been played by a plastic faced clownish looking man and it still would have been hot (oh wait, it was played by that guy…).

I could blame the crush entirely on 9.5 weeks, but then friends? Then came my next phase of sexual identity development. As summed up in the movie “Barfly”. Because where does a healthy red-blooded American girl go after being psycho-sexually manipulated? How the hell would I know where she goes? My particular brand of dysfunction, however, led me directly to the brilliant and witty, yet completely falling apart and emotionally unavailable alcoholic. In my defense friends, it was “what we did” in my social circle (Can I get a whoo-whoo on this Luckybuzz? Lainie? Roxie? ) My friends and I, we all had our Charles Bukowskis back in the day. Different ones for the most part. (Friends familiar with My Town know that there is no shortage of underachieving brilliance wrapped up in hot little packages of self-loathing here in my city and surrounding burbs.) Anyway, at the time, I saw absolutely no correlation between my romantic choices and the way Mickey Rourke still managed to look (in my opinion) sexy and piss-stained all at once. I went through an absolute “Barfly” phase friends. I could recite Faye Dunaway’s lines ad nauseum. (And “fortunately” for Luckybuzz, I did).

Mickey Rourke dropped off the radar about the time I met Gill. Ah friends, we did try to bring him into the relationship. We rented “Wild Orchids” and “Angel Heart” (and Lucy I agree, Lisa Bonet did indeed carry him in that film!) and Im sure we “enjoyed” them both. Still, he had no context in our world. We were getting married, he was being arrested for spousal abuse. We were pursuing educations, he was making direct to video films. We were raising our little family, he was being arrested for DUIs. Now, when I look at Mickey Rourke, all I see that turdish mangina as described by M. Trelvix.

I guess you could say that I was lucky he did fade lest I find another repugnant character of his to model my sexual ideals after, thus missing out on my chance at a (relatively) sane happily ever after with Gill. I don’t see it like that however. In fact, the megalomaniac in me can’t help but wonder if somehow my withdrawal of devotion ultimately did lead to the trainwreck he called a career (and let’s face it, personal life) in the 90s. You know, like the butterfly effect? Of course, we’ll never know but in any case? You are welcome for that America.

Anyway, it’s time to face the day. I still mean to blog about my CPR class last week. Because it’s not often I get to watch a large woman wearing far too much yellow feel herself up in front of a room full of people after snubbing me repeatedly only to realize that ultimately she had a girl-crush on me the whole time. Oh yes friends, I still haz it….

Live Blog From The Christmas Drag Show Preview

December 5, 2008

Because is there anything that signifies a Crse return to the blogosphere like a live-blog of “How The Drag Queen Stole Christmas” which premieres right here in my home town? I think not friends. I think not. It’s mostly sold out but if you feel real real lucky? Call the reservation line and see if they can set you up.

I admit, I probably entered tonight with a bit of bias. My good friend Dennick wrote and directed the show and because I think he is funny and talented, I knew the show would be top-notch. (This despite hearing of the travails of a tortured director for a few weeks. In true theatrical fashion, Dennick would end his tales with his usual humor “It will be fine, though. It will be like the magic of theater and the magic of Christmas get together and have a baby!”)

Well friends, this is only my second foray into the preview night live-blogging, but lemme just tell ya, the two experiences couldn’t be more different. NOTLD (the halloween show) was a tense silent affair that Dennick warned me direly to be punctual for. When I arrived for that show, the lobby was mostly empty and the atmosphere was quietly eerie.

I arrived tonight to lots of cheerful people running around in lingerie. Lucy is in the midst of it all, making baskets for the event’s chinese auction. Laughter echoes through the old theater and even though the show hasn’t begun yet, the comic timing of this group is already evident….

“Yeah I didn’t even lie to the clerk. I told her they were for me” Says Murad, Brooke’s boyfriend, who is a bearded young man with a football playerish build. Upon seeing Brooke, his face lit up and he showed off his prize “Look honey! I got buy three get one free! Now I have fresh panty-hose for every show!”

“Don’t blog about my underpants outfit, Im very insecure!” Says Buff during the soundcheck (She actually looks like a slutty little red riding hood without the hood. Its very hot and Christmasy all at once)
“Get your own bitch” Says Maxine Factor (oh yes she is back friends. And strutting around all hot in her lingerie.) (My new friend Danielle just observed that she is either talking about lipstick, wigs, or pantyhose) “You are a damn racist” we hear Maxine yell from the dressing room a few seconds later.
“It’s ok Rochelle, don’t hate……” she breaks into a chant “Don’t hate….reciprocate” Says Brooke/Sarah Palin.
“Oh my God, I think Sarah Palin just went ghetto” says Danielle’s husband Adam.

I had assumed the preview (although not formally announced) would begin at 8. It is now 947pm and the pre-show music is on. Dennick just came out to welcome us and said he would see us after the show. “Unless you just run out in the middle because it’s too awkward to face me afterward” he joked.
We laughed. A pause. Adam mutters to Danielle “Oh great now we have to stay for the whole thing or he’s gonna think we hate it”. I should mention that Adam and Danielle are my preview buddies as Ive coincidentally managed to sit near them at two other performances and we’ve now bonded. They are like a young attractive version of Statler and Waldorf from the muppets.

The show begins with a hilariously nasty monologue from Sarah Palin. Like most Christmas shows, the opening number is a chorus line of scantily clad women and drag queens singing “lady marmalade”. Starlett O’Hara then takes over the stage with a torch song solo.
“My husband may never want to have sex again” Danielle leans forward and whispers.

Maxine has better legs than I do. It’s kind of intimidating. Lucy credits her support hose. I really don’t care if she is lying. The story unfolds. It’s a sad story. Starlett is a lost soul. With a missing conjoined twin.
You know how when your friends do something and you really want it to be good but you are terrified it won’t be? Well happily this is not one of those times. This is fricking hilarious. It’s a musical drag queen christmas carol…. Friends, the cameos. The one-liners. The continuous scatalogical/gallows/purely nasty humor….(think way bluer than Lenny Bruce).

I want to tell you everything but at the same time, I don’t want to ruin the show for anyone (as it’s just much funnier in person). What I will say is this. This show is what people mean when they talk about the magic of live theater. The cast has a chemistry that is palpable and inviting. The writing is brilliant and the comic timing is genius. But it was more than that. Without revealing details, there are two ensemble musical numbers near the end of the show. In both cases, I became teary as I looked at the faces of these characters and stopped seeing the actors. (Ok this is totally corny I know) Every single one of them seemed to be glowing. It truly was like Dennick’s magical baby. It pretty much defies description altogether, in fact, but it’s what we look for in all of our plays and shows and movies. It’s our chance to touch magic, even if it’s only for a little while.

Friends, I promise Im going to be better about blogging. I really did feel inspired by tonight so Im hoping it means the start of a new creative phase. To keep you coming back, I promise you pictures of Maxine Factor in lingerie when I go see the final performance of the show on the 13th. Until then, remember…the ugly season has officially begun.

So You Want To Tempt The Zombies…

October 24, 2008

Gentle readers, I am sure if you were here right now you’d be saying, “Seriously Crse? You are live-blogging Night Of The Living Dead? You hate scary crap! In fact, didn’t you just say you almost wet yourself last week when they did the live-blog ‘cutting’ during open mic night?” Why yes, gentle readers. That is very true. I’m a little surprised myself. But as scared as I was, I was also mildly intrigued. My intrigue grew when I came home last night to find Norm and Gill watching the Starz bunnies version of NOTLD which was AWESOME (because really. Who can resist a bunny voice saying “They’re coming to get you Barbara!”) and let’s face it, there is something magical about the words “free preview” and “snacks” (although Ms. Brooke did warn us that we might not want snacks. As if!) Edited to add: Way to lie about the snacks Brooke.

Ok friends, it is now 1am. I am safely home but will admit that I did experience several extremely uncomfortable moments in the garage during which i was afraid to get out of my car lest the zombies “git” me. I was more than slightly relieved to see that Gill was still awake and only feet from the back door when I came in. It’s always comforting to know your family protector would have been able to hear you scream had the zombies come for you in your garage.

Here is what I learned tonight about live-blogging a play. It’s not like a debate or open mic where the observation opportunities can just flow out of you.

********SPOILER ALERT*********

Instead, I will offer the advice Id give to each of the characters: (Bear in mind that this not based in any sort of knowledge of theater but does reflect the extensive zombie survival training Ive received from Gretty over the years,)

Listen Barbara. It’s great that you are making friends with the guy who killed all the zombies that were attacking you. But here are some signs that there are problems with your new friend.
– Instead of boarding up the windows in a thorough competent way, he stands there with the hammer and nails and whines like a little bitch for fifteen minutes about his zombie attack. Um Barbara? I know you were in shock, but you didn’t even ask him for his stupid story anyway.
– And when you tell him how you WEREN’T in a truck and your brother was half eaten in front of you, he tells you to “calm down?” (What the crap jackass? Sorry she took away from your soul wrenching “had to drive away in a truck” story to realize she got her ass kicked by zombies.)
– He tosses a board or two on each window and then GOES UPSTAIRS? But don’t worry, he can hear everything. You know what Barbara? I knew the zombies were going to try to get in and Ive never even seen a zombie movie. I have to admit. I was wondering if he didn’t set you up there so he could show off his zombie fighting prowess.
– When some relatively sane people come out of the basement to see what’s happening, he picks a fight with them and tells them if they can’t stay upstairs with you guys, they can’t have any of your stuff. Or you. Now like I said Barbara, Ive never seen a zombie movie but i did read Lord Of The Flies. You are a very attractive woman Barbara so when I compare him to Jack and you to Piggy, I know you know it’s about the fact that he totally sent that crazy “gonna steal your glasses and throw rocks at you if you cross me” vibe.

Now Helen. Listen. I know you and Harry have some marital issues. Im a therapist. Im all sympathetic to that sister. But you’ve got a crazy power mad guy upstairs and a daughter who everyone (but you) knows is about to go zombie. Why don’t you maybe shelve these things til you are all in a better place?

Tommy, you seemed so sweet and gullible in that “golly gee Mr. Cooper let’s stick with the crazy gun hogging guy” way. I knew you were a dead guy as soon as you walked on stage. You threw your lot in with Ben the “let’s do a bunch of stuff that will piss off everyone in the group” guy and I knew that it was over for you.

Judy, you just had to run out and tattle on Harry didn’t you? And look what happened. Maybe if you’d have stayed with the sane people you would have had a fighting chance. Im pretty sure the four of you could have taken the little zombie girl when she turned.

I admit I was confused by a lot of what was happening. I blame the fact that I lost my glasses and kept muttering things like “Don’t let her nap by the same window the zombies came in, you idiots!” and “seriously you are sending out the two guys who needed each other to carry a 13 inch tv across the room to get help for you? really?” (At this point in the show, Dennick asked. “Were tvs really heavy back then?” No buddy. They weren’t).

Overall, I was surprised that the play was so fun. I went expecting to be creeped out but it turns out that zombies and zombie avoidant refugees can amuse as well as scare! The zombies were hilarious. At one point, a zombie lurched slowly across the front of the theater while eating what appeared to be a brain and making orgasmic noises the entire time. It was like performance art. I was also excited to notice that my friend Danna was a zombie too! Get down with your bad rockin’ zombie self Danna!

I was also, however, surprised that the play was less than an hour long. I will admit friends, I was a little disappointed about that. I know the movie was only 96 minutes and Dennick (who saw the movie and is an amazingly talented director himself) explained that there were scenes that just could not be done on stage. Still, maybe a zombie dance party? Or some extended zombie fighting scenes? Ah well. What the hell do I know anyway?

********END SPOILER ALERT*********

In summary, if you don’t like scary stuff too much but want to be put in a Halloween-y mood, this is the show for you. More importantly, I highly recommend the show as a perfect case study as to how to completely tank during a zombie attack.

In other news, I had a surprise opportunity to get a “face-to-face” with Democratic Darling “Maxine Factor” (of Vote Pretty Fame) after the show. I will be reporting on this soon as giving readers a sneak peak of his vice-presidential pick. (Let’s just say that disenfranchised Hilary voters will finally have our day) Until then, don’t forget to keep voting pretty!

Live Blog From The Stage

September 18, 2008

Ok friends It’s my first public liveblogging event and Im beyond excited. The Stage is a local open mic night at our Community Theater.  My esteemed friend Brooke called out for local bloggers to attend and live blog. (After checking to make sure she didn’t send it to me by accident and wasn’t appalled by the thought of my “scandalous” blog being associated with the event) I of course realized that this must be some sort of cosmic sign that my hometown NEEDS my perspective on amateur entertainment. It’s a legitimized version of texting, twittering, and muttering through the entire show (which, as we all know, is how i get through any and every spectator event that lasts more than ten minutes). I was born for this.


Ok first act: Is Rebecca! I bonded with Rebecca earlier this summer and when I saw her tonight before the show, I couldn’t wait to hear her story. She is sharing a humorous perspective  of what it’s like to raise a child with autism. Friends, Rebecca is writing a book. And she should write a book. Because her stuff is amazingly funny and dead on. I spoke to her afterward. Hopefully, she will let us link up to what she’s written soon. It’s hilarious.


Moving on:
It’s Timmy TIMMMMYYYYYY (He’s playing the gee-tar) (as our gracious emcee Ms. Brooke announces):
Timmy is no stranger to the open mic. He has a nice self-deprecating sense of humor. I like that in a performer.

Ok friends, remember I have no musical ear. It doesn’t sound like country so I like it! Friend Timmy is going acoustic tonight.
(Just asked Lucy what the song is called: She said “Never my Love” Im not sure if she just made that up because the guy sang it about four times in a row as if it. She knows Im easily appeased).
Tyler just announced it was “Never My Love”- The Association
His next number- Salsbury Hill.
Ok you kind of have to suspend your Peter Gabriel voice expectation. If you do that, it becomes all about Timmy then and he holds the song up for you.
Im finding myself wanting to sing along. It’s just best if I don’t…….
He follows this number with-“At Last”- Etta James.  I kind of want to ask Lucy to slow dance but that’s probably my vodka spiked soda talking. (Plus, she probably would turn me down. She has much more social finesse than I do)
And finally-Eric Clapton- Bell Bottom Blues; You know this is on my ipod right? He said Eric Clapton and I was worried it would be “Wonderful”. I LOATHE that song because it seems to validate a raging alcoholics relationship with his co-dependent lover. Gill of course finds it more than slightly ironic that the song bothers me (refer back to posts regarding the “Ugly Season”).
If I was drunk in the back of the bar, Id so be sing screaming along with Timmy


Next is Jim :
He is apparently doing spoken word. Oh comedy! Funny so far. Political humor. You know I loves me some political humor. Ok he is doing poetry too. Now friends, Im not a huge fan of poetry, but if it’s funny, Ill suck it up. “Sure they are all mobsters, but hey….they are OUR mobsters” This friends, is my town in its purest form. Jim’s poems also have: Bestiality, Teletubbies, Animal Feces at the fair. Carnies. You know I love this friends. Couple this with not subjecting me to rhymish poetry and I give him a big gold star.


Next is Dave. Just Dave. “Like Madonna”, Ms. Brooke says. He doesn’t play guitar but he seems to be strumming one on his lap as I write this. The stage is truly magic because I swear there is music coming out of that thing. He wrote this song himself. It’s good. Ok friends, forgive me for perseverating but he is actually playing the guitar well. Why did he say he couldn’t play guitar? Was he being self-deprecating? Was he being sardonic? He says the song is based on a true story. Im not sure if it’s his story but if it is, friends, it’s a damn interesting story. And well performed. One song and Dave is down. Which is kind of a bummer because I thought that I heard him playing “Mother” from Pink Floyd before the show started. Well somebody over on his side playing “Mother” It could have been Timmy though.


Ok the next reader is Kerri- She’s a poet too. First poem is a fast one. Kind of like beat poetry. It takes me back to the days of Nancy Bizzari. RT old-timers know what Im talkin about. All we need is Misogynistic Stu in a long blond wig.  Kerri has a lot of “charasma”. Next one is Bagel Shop Soft Porn. Oh she leaves us hanging…did she score with bagel shop boy? A girl can hope so. Next one is fast again. Naked in front of the moon. It was kind of sad. The fourth poem is An Ode To Girls (or why girls hate algebra).  About the stalker mind of a teen-age girl. Harrowing but enjoyable. The final poem is called Birthday Cake! Oh man. This is my total favorite. It’s a sick love poem to a birthday cake she bought under false pretenses. I think I love this woman.


Brandon is after Kerri: He is a dancing boy! But he is not naked. I still have high hopes. OMG he is TAPDANCING!!!! Ok friends. Guilty confession here. I HEART TAP-DANCING!!! WAY MUCH!!! As soon as I begin my intensive pursuit of a life of leisure, I will resume the tap-dancing lessons I gave up in the third grade and light the stage on fire. And friends? In case you are wondering Brandon LIT THE MOTHER EFFING STAGE UP!!!!!!!! Oh man, he is off the stage and on the floor now. I am officially eight years old and giddy enough to clap and squeal. I WILL LIVE TO TAP AGAIN.


A young fellow named Don follows crazybrandontap.  He is singing a cappella. A song called Promised Land.  It apparently was written by a local man. Strangely, it sounds old and familiar. Not like something I heard this summer. Lucy thinks we might have heard him sing it before. (Again, we will go with that as I don’t really have it in me to delve into the fried remains of my own memory)

Wow. Don is a finalist in the (Insert local town name here) superstar show. Let’s just hope that it won’t take young Don down the dark sordid road of other local contests.  Ok Don is going to sing country. I must excuse myself from commenting on this as my anti-country bias would prevent a “professional” review. Holy crap Don, did you just say you came in third place in the “Lube Idol” contest??? (That’s what she said) (oh please people, like i wasn’t going to take that shot? Really?) (For those not from these parts, the “lube” is a local wing joint (that apparently sponsors singing contests as well))


Jay the comedian is up now: He had me at the 64 oz mug. He’s talking about the importance of balancing couples “nice-nice” and “mean-mean”. “Because sometimes you just want to wake up and be mean to someone”. Gill and I live by this credo.  Son peed in a box of cheerios. Love. This. Man. Not a lot to blog because he was really funny so I wanted to listen.


Two Acts Left:

The delightful Ms. Brooke is telling us the next Stage is Stage Fright for Halloween. If Im still allowed, I will live blog this too!

Rick is next. I freaking love Rick already because he just left to pee. Regular readers know that Im all about publicly announcing the need to urinate at the most awkward time possible. Rick is back. He has a guitar. Perhaps Rick was the source of “Mother” We shall find out! Nope. He is playing original songs. First one is “Seasons Change”.   Rick is wearing very cool yellow pants. The song is pretty. In a funky fast way. I would identify those pants as being Mustard Yellow.  I like how Rick is so interactive with the audience. I missed what the song was called though. It’s again funky fast. Seems slightly more cynical than the first one. I can’t hear the words too well. I think Im sitting at an acoustical disadvantage. It may be called “goodbye” well…which would explain the cynical tone. Yay rick! Ok checking in with Rick later? The song is called “And So Tonight That You Might See”.


OMG The grand finale is MY VERY GOOD FRIEND DENNICK!!!

AND HE IS SINGING MUSIC OF THE NIGHT!!! TEAR!!!! NO!! MULTIPLE TEARS!!!! Sorry friends. Must break to pause and beam for a bit. Ok that was just damn incredible. I had chills. For real friends. Absolute.  Chills.

Well that concludes my first ever public liveblogging event. I tried to do pictures but they are all just blurry shiny spots of performance. Ill work on that for next round.

Bohama? I hardly know ya!

August 23, 2008

(I confess I like Norm’s moniker for the democratic candidate better than his actual name. Which reminds me, Im updating Normisms soon.)

Before I begin my political observations, I don’t want to forget to tell my local friends. If you are looking for free food, wine and entertainment tonight you should hit the Oakland Open House. Yes I said free. As in free. wine. You are welcome.

Ok so Joe Biden huh? I am shocked. I can’t put my finger on my problem with him. Maybe it’s his lack of enthusiasm (as seen in this photo I found on the CNN website today).

Calm down there Spanky. It's not like we're gonna win or anything.

Calm down there Spanky. It's not like we're gonna win or anything.

Or maybe that he looks slightly diabolical (as seen in photo from googling biden. I think it’s from msnbc website)

I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.

I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.

Or maybe I cannot say it as well as the immortal “Chooky” (whose words I found at the illustriously entertaining Barking Carnival during the same biden google search)
Joe Biden is as appealing as an abscessed goiter
to which he offers this photo evidence.

I'm gonna be your vice president see? Yeah yeah then Ill be your president see?

I'm gonna be your vice president see? Yeah yeah then Ill be your president see?

(ok the captions are mine).

Truth be told friends, I don’t know what I think yet. I need to go look at his voting record. Right now, though Im still wishing it was Hilary. We’ll see…

Five minutes Round 2*

August 21, 2008

This is not my beautiful week. Has anyone seen the movie Mission to Mars? It’s a very bad movie from what I can tell. Gill is stunned. Gary Sinise? Don Cheadle? Tim Robbins? What the hell went wrong? (No he didn’t include Jerry O’Connell in his listing of spectacular disappointment. Go fig.) Ive been sick all day. I started to offer details regarding my nausea but figured folks might not want to hear. I have a killer headache. Sixteen days is an awful lot of Olympics. I don’t think I ever noticed how long they are. The Au Pair is very into the Olympics and he’s passed his “Olympic fever” to Gill so they are almost always on tv here at the crseum (well when we aren’t watching spongebob)(And apparently Mission to Mars). The closest Ive ever come to being interested in an Olympic event was back in the day of Apollo Ono, (short speed skater or something to that effect). He was hot and the event was extremely ADD friendly, you blink and it’s over. Nothing is really grabbing me at all this time. I did see the one race where the two fellows from trinidad (I think) (well, someone was from trinidad in the race anyway) broke some record for 100 meters. And we seem to be hitting the women’s volleyball games a lot. Which of course means Ive had numerous occasions to hear how Misty May plans to sprinkle some of her Mom’s ashes on the court if she wins. So Im in the loop about that as well as the surprising lack of eroticism involved in bikini clad women playing volleyball. Perhaps last weekend’s bikini contest spoiled me but it seems to me that those tops really flatten down their chests. Which I suppose is helpful for the hitting and what-not but sharply reduces my opportunity to provide Gill and the Au Pair with inappropriate and distracting “boobie” commentary during the games. (because as god as my witness I am committed to providing quality boobie jokes if it’s the only thing I ever give back to this world) Ok that’s all I got because my head hurts badly and I want to go back to sleep.

Special tip of the hat to The Inventive Mr. Dexter Colt for the Five Minute blogpost theme. Yes this did take longer than five minutes but once I opened the misty may door, i couldn’t go back.